And then something strange happens.
I hear myself.
Not just what I said to Jake—but what I’ve been saying to myself for years. That throwing myself in front of things is what I do. That it’s what I’m for. That the only version of me worth keeping is the one who steps between other people and their consequences.
I believed that. I built a whole life on it.
Jake looks ashamed. He should.
But maybe I should, too.
Something changes in the room. I don’t know if Jake feels it. But Lucas does—I can tell by the way his breathing changes, just slightly.
Heseesme.
Not the version of me that has everything under control. The one standing here realizing she built a life on the wrong thing.
“I don’t want this, Scot. You’re my—you’re my family.”
“Then act like it. Please. Please let me break up with you.”
The ache in my chest is so thick, I can hardly breathe. All I want is for Lucas to put his arms around me and take some of this burden, but he seems frozen—not sure where the line is. I want to screamwhen you love someone, there is no line!But it’s so unfair of me to expect him to know that.
And I’m so tired of having to rationalize to myself that“It’s so unfair.”
I just want him to know.
I want him to punch Jake in the face for me, no matter the cost. I hate myself for wanting that, but I want it, anyway.
After everything I did last year to keep him at arm’s length, after drawing line after line in the sand with him this year, I just want him to fight for me. To chase me so boldly, no one in the world could mistake it.
And it’s all so incredibly unfair.
Then I risk a look at him, and the truth hits me: hewantsall of that. Iknowhe wants it. He’s holding the line I drew, even now, even here.
I drew it to protect him.
He’s honoring it to protect me.
We’re both so busy protecting each other that neither of us is asking for what we need.
“I won’t make this ugly, Scot,” Jake says quietly. “End of the month, it’s over, like we agreed.”
I sniff through my sobs. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”
“I swear. No more trains.”
I laugh and look up to see a sad—almost heartbreaking—smile on his face. “What was the third thing you promised?” I ask.
“I wouldn’t hurt TikTok kid’s career.”
“And if you break that promise?”
“I’m the one who has to tell your family.”
I nod. And then, because he’s an idiot, but I really do love him, I pull him into a hug. “I’ll still be here for you. You know that, right?”
“I know.”
