‘I’m not sure now,’ Aury confesses and then, as I rise to go, she says, ‘It’ll be so weird. I didn’t mean to stay away for so long, you know.’
‘I know.’ Although I don’t know anything much about her now. I feel so disconnected from her these days. Big moments in our lives pass without the other knowing. How did that happen to all of us?
‘Those first two years were the best two years of my life,’ she says and I wonder if she’s reading my mind.
‘Mine too,’ I tell her honestly.
‘Funny how things work out, isn’t it?’ she goes on as we walk towards the lift. ‘I’d never have thought the boy who almost knocked me down the stairs on day one would become one of my best friends.’
‘That day I was so tongue-tied I could barely speak.’ I still am.
‘Were you?’ she asks, her expression showing genuine surprise as she leans past me and taps the button to call the lift for me.
‘Yeah, you were … it was all – you know – so new.’
‘Oh, I see. Yeah. Same.’
‘I’ll give you a buzz about the four of us meeting up?’
‘Reuniting,’ she says with an expression of mock-horror.
‘Yeah,’ I say, my face doing the same as hers, which makes us both laugh.
The lift arrives and I get inside, turn, raise my hand to her and Aury says goodbye.
I want to tell her. I want to tell her she was so overwhelming when we first met, and I was so useless that I did everything wrong. I wish I’d talked to her more, or at all. I wish I’d been the one who’d gone to the bar with her on freshers’ night. I wish I’d not accidentally got paired off with Liv. Why? Why did I do that? I was flattered because Liv was pretty. Is pretty. And nice. And kind. So why did my relationship with Livneverfeel right? And why did being just good friends with Aury feel wrong? Although obviously not to her.
I’ve played it out a hundred times, maybe more. It was always going to be Ben and Aury. Luck and timing; and beingsmooth. That’s not who I am. I met Aury first and I nearly killed her on the stairs. And in came Ben.
As if I stood a chance.
The lift doors close. I like to pretend I’ll tell her, but the reality of it is that I never will.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
‘You went where?’ Ben asks.
‘To Aury’s new flat,’ I confess.
Ben looks stunned. ‘You still speak to her?’
This is exasperating, because ‘You know I do.’
‘I didn’t think yousawher, though.’
‘Not much,’ I say. ‘We text a bit, but she was moving into a new place and—’
‘Where is it?’
I’m reluctant to give Ben the exact address. Although I don’t think he’d do anything as crazy as go and knock on the door. But it might not be wise. I’ll leave Aury to give him her address if all goes well on the back of what I say next.
‘It’s near the South Bank overlooking the Thames. It’s pretty cool. Listen, I’m telling you because she wants to see you.’
‘Does she?’ I see hope in his face.
‘Us. All of us. She wants to know if you’d like that, and if Liv would too.’
‘Liv? Why?’ he asks warily.
