‘I know. I’m not necessarily sure it’s better,’ she continues.
‘Really? Look at this place.’
‘I know. But it’s … lonely. In a way.’
That’s interesting. I feel the same. ‘Even with your mum here?’
‘She’s hardly ever here.I’mhardly ever here. My job is weird. But I’m determined to make as much money as I canwhileI can, so I just need to keep going.’
‘Is it making you sad?’ I ask, positioning my body so that I’m angled more towards her on the sofa.
‘Not sad. I’m lucky, and I know I am. But I wish things were different. I wish the four of us still lived together. I wish …’
‘Hey,’ I say soothingly as she looks as if she’s going to cry. It’s awkward, but I pull her towards me and she comes willingly and we hug each other.
‘I miss you. I miss Ben, believe it or not. The four of us – it was the most fun I’ve ever had. We were a family,’ she says.
‘We could be again, you know.’
‘Could we? How?’
‘Why don’t we all get together? See how it goes? If you want to, that is?’
‘I do … but doesn’t Ben hate me?’
‘Doesn’t Liv hate Ben?’ I counter.
‘I think “hate” is a strong word,’ she replies. ‘I think she needed distance. We haven’t spoken about it recently, though. But I can again?’
‘Maybe I can sound both of them out. It’ll be a nice way for me to reconnect with Liv.’
‘Aniceway?’ Aury asks.
‘Well, it’ll beaway. And Ben doesn’t hate you. He’s angry with himself that he couldn’t keep you. That he couldn’t make it work. That he lost you.’
‘I’m angry with him for that too. Or, rather, I was. Does he know you’re here?’
She asks it innocently enough, but it’s too late. I’ve tensed up and she knows I’m lying when I say, ‘Yeah.’
‘He doesn’t, does he?’
‘No. He’d be fuming. He was fuming when we met up ages ago. If Ben finds out you and I … If he knows I’m anywhere near you again, he’ll get the wrong idea into his head and—’ I shrug. I don’t dare say it.
Aury looks surprised at that. ‘Even after all this time, he still thinks you and I might …?’ She’s not saying it, either. We’ve only spoken about this once, Aury and me, way back when. We’ve only brushed the surface of Ben’s paranoia. I feel disloyal even calling it that, because given half a chance I would have tried it on with Aury. I did have half a chance. Back then, at uni. Day one. I did nothing with that chance. So Ben isn’t paranoid about how I feel about her. But he might be, if he thinks Aury likes me in return.
‘Yeah. He still thinks it. He’s nothing if not honest,’ I say quietly.
‘Oh,’ she replies and looks into her champagne flute. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘What is theretosay?’ I reply. Although I really want to know what she honestly thinks about this.
But what does it matter? Because if there was even the faintest glimmer that Aury liked me, we couldn’t do anything about it. We couldn’t hurt Ben. She wouldn’t do it. And neither would I. This subject is perhaps best left here. I worry about what might happen next if either of us really tries to open up this discussion. I’m not flattering myself that she likes me. Not at all. But it won’t do me any good to hear that she doesn’t.
‘I should go,’ I say gently.
‘Already?’ she asks. ‘Stay a bit longer. It’s been so long and you’ve only just got here. Mum will be back soon and you can give her the flowers.’
‘You give them to her for me. I’ll give Liv a ring. It’s overdue. I’ll ask her about meeting up. See how she feels about Ben. Are you really ready to see Ben again?’
