‘I love you,’ I say, as if that was ever in doubt.
‘I love you too,’ Ollie says. But he doesn’t move to kiss me, doesn’t do anything other than look sad. Months later and he’s still standing his ground, honourably refusing to budge.
‘I’m going to make a speech,’ I announce, and Ollie issues a short chuckle as behind me an ambulance tears past on its way to A&E, sirens blasting.
‘Here?’ he asks doubtfully.
‘Here,’ I confirm. ‘Are you ready?’
‘No. One sec.’ He walks towards me and takes my hand, moves me further away from the hospital doors. ‘OK,’ he says with an amused smile. ‘Now I’m ready. Shoot.’
‘You still love me,’ I say slowly.
He doesn’t reply immediately and, when he does, it’s, ‘Is that the speech?’
‘No, idiot. It’s not.’
He chuckles. ‘I can’t tell if that was a question or not, but if it was, the answer is – and will always be – “yes”.’
‘Me too,’ I say. ‘It’s never going to change. I’m not going to fall out of love with you.’
‘We’ve been through this,’ Ollie replies gently.
‘I know,’ I say. ‘And you’re interrupting my speech.’
‘Sorry,’ he offers. ‘For whatever good it might do … please continue.’
‘I’m going to give you some surprising information.’
‘About you?’ Ollie asks.
I shake my head. ‘About Ben.’
When I finish relaying everything to Ollie, he looks at me as if I’ve made up the whole story. But he doesn’t interrupt me; instead his eyes drift away while I’m speaking, as if he’s trying to piece it all together: the lack of a girlfriend in Ben’s life – either temporary or permanent; Ben going out and never saying where he went; the drinking, the unhappiness.
‘Bloody hell,’ Ollie whispers after I finish, his eyes still focused on a point in the distance as he takes it in, face sombre.
I wait. I want him to see the obvious, but in true Ollie style he doesn’t realise what this means for him, but simply wants the best for his friend. But any second now it’s going to click, and I can’t wait.
‘Is Ben OK? At being outed –toyou …byyou? I’ll bet that was awful for him.’
‘He didn’tloveit, no. But I think it freed him a bit. He said I could tell you and Liv. But he doesn’t want anyone else to know just yet.’
‘I understand,’ Ollie says. He blows a puff of air out of his cheeks. ‘I’m so sad Ben didn’t feel he could tell me. But I get it. I think. I’ll give him a ring, let him know … I’m not sure what I’m going to say though. I’m too surprised to think. Since when?’
‘Maybe for ever; maybe since me, or before me. Or maybe I turned him gay,’ I joke.
Ollie snorts and looks me up and down. ‘Hardly. But he’s happy?’ he questions. ‘Really happy?’
‘He seems it.’
‘Then I’m pleased for him. For the first time since uni …this might be the first time Ben’s been happy. I’ve suspected he had someone, because I’ve seen a change in him for the better, but I didn’t suspect this.’
Behind me another ambulance whizzes towards A&E, loud and commanding.
‘Do you want to take a walk?’ Ollie asks.
‘I’d like nothing better.’
