And once again we fell back to being just good friends. But not good enough to keep up with each other’s lives on a daily, or even weekly, basis. Ollie and Romy aren’t together. Ben told me that ages ago. But even Ben doesn’t know why it ended. And despite the odd message to and from Ollie, I’ve not seen him in so long and he tells me nothing about his personal life. I tell him nothing about mine either, but then I don’t have one.
‘Hi,’ Ollie says, giving Mum and me a confused smile.
I return it with a nervous smile of my own. It’s so good to see him. And so torturous at the same time.
‘We’re gatecrashing,’ Mum replies, breaking the silence. ‘I hope you don’t mind.’
‘I don’t mind at all,’ Ollie says as he steps forward to hug Mum hello. He does the same to me, only mine is much briefer than Mum’s hug.
He moves to the empty chair next to his dad, dumps his work backpack down, and then Ollie and his father give each other a manly hug that involves tapping each other on the back once, before breaking away.
‘Hi,’ Ollie says to me again as he sits, his smile brighter this time. ‘How are you?’
‘Great,’ I reply. ‘What about you?’
‘OK, yeah. Long day at work. They’re always long days at work, but somehow every new day feels longer than the one before it.’
I give him a sympathetic smile and resist the urge to reach across the table, touch his hand, lace my fingers through his, the way we did before. Instead I hold my menu and pretend to read it. I don’t know what I was thinking, coming here on a spur-of-the-moment invitation. The next couple of hours are going to feel very long. And I can’t even talk to Ollie properly like this. But what would we say, even if we could? We specialise in inane chatter. It’s our go-to. I’m not sure how we’ll cope if we have a proper conversation. But I want one. I want one so much.
We talk about the weather and about our jobs until we’veplaced our food orders, and then Daniel tells Ollie, ‘There’s something Sasha and I want to talk to you about.’
I wish I still had my menu to hide behind.
Ollie’s face shows pure surprise. ‘Sasha and you …? You both want to talk to me?’
Daniel smiles knowingly. And then Ollie smiles knowingly in return. And just like that, the message is conveyed.
Ollie looks at Sasha with the same smile, a little uncertainty behind it. ‘Are you two …?’
Sasha smiles. ‘Yes, for a while. Quite a while, actually.’
‘Wow!’ Ollie says, his surprise turning to joy. ‘That’s so cool.’
‘I think it is, yes,’ Daniel replies, looking pleased this has gone so well. ‘We just wanted to let you know, now things are getting …’ he looks to Mum for confirmation, ‘serious,’ he finishes, after my mum gives him a little nod of encouragement.
‘That’s great,’ Ollie confirms. ‘I’m really pleased for you.’
‘Thank you, son,’ Daniel says. ‘It means a lot to me.’
A waiter arrives to top up our wine and the conversation moves on. I’m desperate to get Ollie alone now, for so many reasons, but mainly so that we can gossip about his dad and my mum.
‘Sasha, tell me why you chose “Aurora” for a name? It’s lovely, so unusual,’ Daniel asks, after we’ve polished off two bottles of red wine between us, although Ollie’s been nursing his second glass, given that he’s back at work again tomorrow afternoon – and saving lives while hungover is a ‘no’. The mood is light, the evening has been surprisingly easy,full of jokes and good chat. I realise I needed this. I needed this conviviality with people I genuinely adore.
‘Don’t,’ I tell Mum. ‘Don’t say it.’
‘It’s the Northern Lights, no?’ Ollie says as if it’s a given. He folds his napkin up and places it on the table, then glances at my slightly embarrassed look. ‘Isn’tit a reference to the Northern Lights then?’ Ollie asks.
‘It’s because I really like—’ Mum starts.
‘No,’ I say. ‘No, no.’
‘You might be embarrassed by it, but I’m not. I named her after Princess Aurora,’ Mum confesses.
The men look at her as if they have no clue what she’s on about.
‘The Disney movie,’ Mum says, totally unabashed.
‘Which one?’ Daniel asks.
