I was licking my lips, already tasting her on them, when I heard my wife say, ‘At best, it’s an emotional affair. At worst? He’s already fucking her. And in the earlier messages, she mentions me. So does he. Even in more recent messages, asking if I’ve caught on yet.’
I fucking froze in place.
She knew.My face paled as my stomach rolled and I wanted to throw up so bad, but was completely frozen in place from shock and the feeling of impending dread.
Fuck.
I was caught red handed, there was no way I was talking my way out of this situation, but fuck if I wasn’t going to try! I was pissed she violated my privacy like that, going through my phone. I never would have done that to her. I would have liked to have talked to her about it before she ran to her fucking friends at the very least! I had to dosomethingto try to salvage this disastrous mess of a situation. I hadn’t cheated on Devin.Not physically and I think that could be my saving grace. I’ll just distance myself from Becky.
Problem solved.
“Hang up the phone, Devin. We’re going to talk about what I just heard you say,” I demanded, coming into the kitchen so she could see me from where she sat on the couch. I was sure my face was red, pissed as hell that I’d been stupid enough to get caught flirting with another woman by my wife.
Eventually, every cat gets out of the bag, her grandma used to say. I used to think she was a bit nutty, but now? Felt like the old bird was giving a premonition. The full weight of that statement was hitting me now, seeing her looking at me like that. Hurt, angry, guarded. Her grip on those walls she was erecting around herself tightened.
This mother fucker,I could see how she was cursing me in that head of hers, exactly what she was thinking. My fiery, feisty little redhead. I loved how deeply she blushed red, her skin and hair practically the same shade, when she was mad, or turned on. I knew she was pissed, but she was so beautiful I couldn’t look away. She let out a dark and humorless chuckle before pinning me with a glare and coldly asking me a few questions.
“Why?” Her eyebrows and nostrils flared, her cheeks heating in anger. “Afraid to tarnish that squeaky clean image you have? Or are you going to tell me I didn’t find an emotional affair, at best, going on with one of your coworkers?”
“I want to be able to talk about this like adults,” I took a breath. She wasn’t going to listen to me explain what was going on if she was pissed. I didn’t even know what to say to her at this point, to make what I’d done to her even remotely okay. I justhad to keep from putting my foot in my mouth and I think I’ll be alright.
“Caleb. I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation we find ourselves in. I’ve told you before, that Ido notlike any woman I do not know trying to sell you this version of ‘friendship’. You asked me not to get close to men who don’t respect our relationship and you promised me the same thing!” She said, making the air quotes for ‘friendship’. I knew she was right, but I still had to try to explain.
“I can explain–” I started before she ripped into me again.
But you can’t! When you started mentioning her name more, that you guys were working close together, I told you that I was uncomfortable with it. Youpromisedyou would cut her off. You said she knew you were married. How is flirting with a married man alright?” I wanted to say something. But I didn’t know what.
She was right.
“You‘swore’to me that she was ‘just a coworker’. Remember that? We had a fight in our bedroom because we were cuddling, post-sex, and you started talking about work the next day and how you guys had a work dinner the next night to celebrate finishing the project? You went on and on about how good things were going at work even with all the late nights.” I dropped my head, completely ashamed at that reminder that I did, indeed, try to defend my ‘friendship’ with this woman. After having sex with my wife. What she abso-fuckin’-lutely didnotneed to know, was that Becky had gotten me so worked up, and that’s why I needed her right then. She continued to rip into me, letting me know what she thought of my indiscretions with someone other than her.
I hated that she found out like this.
“Then, you missed our date night last week! How did you not notice? You went out with coworkers.Again.” I opened my mouth, ready to apologize, to tell her all my wrongs, but she powered on as if I weren’t worth listening to. “To clarify. What I’m pissed about is that it feels like you dipped out onour date night”she paused, “to go outwith her.Again. Because this is thesecondtime you’ve gone out with the coworkers since we got married, and thesecondtime that she has gone too.”
I should have hidden it better. I didn’t say anything when she finished talking. I stood there, knowing there was nothing that could make this better right now. I was fucking up left and right with my wife. And she was right, like always. We’d only been married six months. We should still be in the honeymoon phase, where I couldn’t get enough of her. Not that I could now, but…Becky was just so…tempting.
And it was just flirting. Teasing really. Harmless. Nothing physical or emotional had happened. She was wrong about the emotional affair.
“I love you both. I’ll see you bright and early, Eddie.” She hung up the phone with whom I can only assume was one or both of her best friends. I already knew I was screwed. There was no way she’d forgive me.
“Can I please have a chance to say something?” I practically begged, as she stuck me with a glare, as cold and frigid as Antarctica. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and thought of what to say. I knew I could do this. I could pitch it so I had a chance to call off the affair before it went further. I was trying to think of everything I wanted to tell her, and the things I shouldn’t. Like the kissing at the office, and when we were out with colleagues. I’ve never taken it further, but she doesn’t needto know any of that. I heard rustling and opened my eyes to see that she was cocooning herself in blankets.
“She is a colleague. One of whom, I did not realize I was going into murky waters with–” I was trying my best to plead my case with her. That was clearly the wrong thing as she rose from the blankets like a vampire coming out of the coffin. Venom spit from her mouth as she questioned me.
“You didn’t realize?!” She interrupted, looking as if she’d been personally offended while simultaneously like she just smelt something foul. Which, with her being a doctor? That was definitely saying something. She had laid back down, turning into the couch cushions to sleep, giving me her back. I knew this was her telling me she was done with the conversation. That she might not listen, but I had to trysomething.
I felt like I was a dead man walking here.
“We started getting closer, spending more time together on projects,” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling like I was two feet tall. I was getting zero response from Devin. She just laid there wrapped up tightly in her blankets like that could block my words. I started to get a little peeved and decided,fuck it.
Tell her most.
“I’m sorry. I feel the need to tell you that she and I have also kissed. Twice. But it’s never gone any further than that. I swear.” She didn’t turn around, she didn’t even acknowledge me. I just admitted to kissing another woman and she didn’t do a thing. I have no idea if she’s sleeping or listening, or what she’s doing.
“And it never will go further, nor will it ever happen again. I’ll block her. Right now. On all social media platforms, her number in my phone, everything. I’ll block her in all theplaces I could ever talk to her. I’ll delete my social media, if that’s what you want. I will also block her on the messaging app and delete that too. I swear to you, Devin. I will fix this shit between us.” I made a move toward her, and I think she heard my footsteps. The mountain of blankets shifted and froze at the sound, so I stopped where I was. Stuck at the entrance to the living room. My wife hiding from me.
Childish.
