“I want to do individual therapy and couples therapy. Please,” I got down on my knees where I was, not willing to take another step further and spook her. I hung my head in shame. Because Iwasshameful. Cheating on my perfect wife. “Even though I don’t deserve another chance, please give me one. I will never let you down again. I swear it, Devin.”
She just laid there, not saying anything. She kept her back to me. I could tell she was crying, even if she didn’t make any sounds like she was. I probably just put the final nail in my coffin by telling her I’d kissed another woman, but I didn’t want to hide that on the off chance she’d find out later. I wanted to fix this. I wanted her to know that she was the only one for me. Honesty and transparency was the only way I had even the smallest stroke of luck in fixing things with my wife.
If she gave me a chance, maybe we could re-evaluate where we were again after the holidays.
“I need to think about it, Caleb. But I swear to the almighty. You do asingle thingwith that woman that you wouldn’t do in front of me, I’mdone. I will leave you. I will find out if you try to hide anything from me.” She finally stirred in the covers, moving the blanket, turning so I could see her red-rimmed eyes. She was quiet for a beat and I almost thought shewas done talking, but I noticed her searching. Her eyes looked like they were trying to find deception in my eyes.
“Irefuseto fight for a man I never should have had to fight for in the first place. I’ve told you that before, and I know I deserve better than the things you’ve done.” I nodded, and as soon as I lifted my eyes to look at her again, she’d averted her eyes. I couldn’t blame her. Not entirely. I wouldn’t want to look at me either.
“Eddie and Emilia will also know about this. But not my parents. Not until I know what we’re doing. Because I’ll be honest, it’s not looking good for you at the moment.” Her voice didn’t sound sad anymore. Just…defeated, resigned, almost dead.
I hated this distance. I hadn’t realized it was almost as wide as the fucking Grand Canyon, and couldn’t possibly tell you when it started. It just happened.
All because I had prioritized another woman over my wife.
I’d even missed a date night with her. I had never missed date night, not in all the time we’d been together. But definitely not since we’d been married.
Six months of the best time of my life.
“Good. More people will be checking in on me, making sure I’m staying honest. Who do you want me to tell on my side? I want to make sure it’s someone you feel comfortable talking to, and that way I have people on my side keeping an eye out.” I asked as I pulled my phone from the pocket of my pajama pants. I showed her the screen as I went in and deleted all of the texts, the messaging app, all my social media, and then into my contact list to block Becky. I saw her eyes flick to my phone the momentit came out. She looked like it had personally offended her. She watched intently as I completed my list of immediate tasks by blocking the other woman.
But I stopped short of blocking her contact. An idea sparking. It could either be smart, or completely fucking stupid and blow everything up. Right in my face.
“I’m going to call her in front of you. Tell her we’re done. So, you know that’s been taken care of.” I was taking the chance. I waited, still on my knees, to see what she would do. If she thought it was a good idea or not. Her face gave nothing away. Her eyes were set and dim, like she was closing herself off from the pain, and I hated that I was the one who did this to her.
“You can tell your mom,” her voice came out, soft but empty, “After you call that woman and break it off with her. Tell her on the phone with me, right here. Now.” I nodded as I hit the call button. It only rang twice before she picked up. I hated the shiver that ran through me at the sound of her voice. I wasn’t sure if it was excitement or dread.
“Hey, handsome,” she attempted to sound sexy, purring into the phone, or that was just her sleepy voice. I didn’t know why I’d never noticed how unattractive that sounded. It wasn’t sexy. It didn’t sound like purring. It was more like she was acting, and badly.
“Listen, Becky,” I heaved a sigh like I was too tired to deal with all this shit at this hour, “I know I’ve said before that we’re done, that it never should have gone as far as it has, but I mean it this time. We’re done. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep going behind Devin’s back like this. She deserves better, and I have already confessed everything to her. There’s nothing she doesn’t know, and I came clean to her because I love her.She means the fucking world to me. I’m going to work on my marriage.” I said with conviction.
“Woah, baby. Where is this coming from? How can you say all that? I mean…are you sure you’reactuallydone? Do youreallythink your wife will stay with you if I contact her? Tell her all the nasty details about our affair?” She was trying her best to seduce me with her voice coming through the phone all breathy and demanding. I knew she was, I could tell by the tone in her voice. She was probably touching herself. She’d done it before when we were talking.
The memories briefly short circuited my brain, before I closed my eyes and shook my head. Hoping that I came across disgusted. Because I was. Just…with myself.
“Yes. I do. We had a long talk. We’re both going to counseling and working harder on our marriage. I want to be with her.” I swallowed thickly as I heard her sigh, then sniffle. Here came the crocodile tears. I knew what she was going to try to do to me. I knew she was going to try to trap me with those big eyes of hers.
“A-a-alright,” she stammered, sounding like she was choking on her words. I felt bad for this. For breaking her heart like this. I knew she loved me. She told me often. But I also knew she could conjure up tears in the blink of an eye. She told me it was a trauma response to something that happened in her childhood. I felt a pang in my chest for her. Briefly.
Because I loved Devin, my wife.
“Goodbye, Becky.”
And I hung up. I felt another pang and a twinge of guilt in me for not doing this face-to-face, but I also knew that I’d be weak with Becky. I blocked her number. Then I sent an e-mail to work, asking to not work on any future projects with her anymore, citing a disagreement from work that we couldn’t seem to work through. I was hoping they’d assign one of us to a new team.
Really, I wanted her on a new team. But I’d switch if that’s what was needed. I couldn’t lose my job or my wife.
“Thank you. But I’ll be watching,” my wife said as she rolled over on the couch. I turned off all the lights, plugged in her charger from her bag, and put the one from our room in her bag so she’d have one if she got called into work.
Just in case.
She was always prepared. Except for me breaking her heart.
Now, to win my wife back.
Chapter Four:
Devin’s POV
