33
JERICHO
Damon is sitting on my lap, clapping his hands along to the song playing on the TV as we have a small celebration in Raiden’s hospital room for his birthday. It’s not a great celebration by any means. Tears have been shed and everyone is avoiding the elephant in the room, but nobody is pretending to be happy and I guess that’s the most important part.
Damon came in like a whirlwind, jumping up and down and telling me all about the surprise he had for Raiden. Sophie was right behind him, panting and toting a box with the fancy cake she decorated for us to share for the celebration.
Damon slaps me on the arm, trying to take my attention off the foot of the bed. I jolt out of it, shaking my head and trying to clear the negativity buzzing around my brain. I can’t though.
Because while everyone is sitting around talking, including Raiden in their plans and telling him what’s going on that he’s missing, my life is imploding and I can’t let anyone know it.
The doctor said he wasn’t sure if Raiden would recover. He said that, and then patted me on the shoulder like we were fucking friends out for a drink rather than him breaking thenews to me that I might never have another moment with Raiden.
How can he say something like that? Does he not realize that his words have consequences and I’m the one dealing with those consequences?
He said he would have to run more tests, but as it’s looking now, Raiden could be on those machines for therest of his life.But the doctor didn’t want to crush Ema and Rodney’s hopesjust yet.Just yet, as if the inevitable is that Raiden will never wake up.
And everyone is around us celebrating while I carry this knowledge. It’s taking everything in me not to break down into tears.
“Uncle Jer,” Damon says when I finally give him my full attention. He’s looking up at me with brown eyes, exactly like Sophie’s. He’s so sweet and innocent and he shouldn’t be subjected to this kind of tragedy when he truly can’t process it.
“Yeah bud?” I run my fingers through his hair, brushing away the wiley pieces that never lay how Sophie wants them to.
“Can I do my surprise for uncle Rai now?” His smile is infectious and I try to take some of his joy and reflect it back so he doesn't think I don’t want him to do his surprise for Raiden. Whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be great. It might just break my heart in the process, but I’ll do what I need to survive.
“Yeah, bud. Yeah you can.”
He claps loudly and attempts to stand on my upper thigh. He doesn’t know about my prosthetic, so he slips when his shoe catches the edge of the sock covering the bottom of my leg. I catch him around his waist and steady him. He’s standing high above everyone, like a mighty prince waiting for his servants to acknowledge him.
“Everyone!” Damon squeals and the conversations promptly stop. He has gathered the crowd. Hollis and Connor, taking up the corner with Connor resting his back against hisboyfriend's front. Ace, Sophie, my mom and dad, Ema, and Rodney with their half formed circle around Raiden’s bed. All of their eyes are on Damon now.
“I need your attention. I have a surprise for uncle Rai!” Damon is precariously balanced on my lap and I try to hold him as steady as I can even as his feet falter.
“What is it, baby?” Sophie asks, the smile on her face reflecting so much of Damon, I’m hit with a moment of true awe at the concept of genetics. Damon is Sophie remade, and I remember all the times Sophie and Jasmine spent hours practicing with Raiden while I watched them from my spot on Raiden’s bed.
Hour after hour while they moved and flexed and did whatever else girls do. But my eyes were purely on Raiden, watching his body flow from one movement to the next. Sharp precise cutting motions, like the waves against a rocky shore. He was beautiful. He was elegant. He was everything.
Damon looks down at me, reaching for my hand that is securely wrapped around his middle. I tighten my other arm around him and offer him my palm. When he has it situated the way he wants it, palm up facing the ceiling and tucked close to his upper body he inhales a dramatic breath.
“My teacher helped me practice because I wanted to be really good for uncle Rai.”
On his exhale, in his childish voice, he starts singing Happy Birthday. He’s using my hand as a makeshift microphone stand with his balled up fist in front of his face. The silly little song I’ve heard time and time again, year after year, but it has never meant as much as it does in this moment. This little boy, singing happy birthday for his uncle Rai. Even if he doesn’t know how much it means to Raiden, or me, or anyone else standing in this room.
When Damon finishes singing the last note, the only dry eyes left in the room are his. Ema and Rodney are clinging toeach other for support, their combined shaking shoulders mimics an earthquake before disaster truly hits.
“That was beautiful,” my mom praises Damon, clapping her hands and smiling widely at him, tear soaked cheeks and all. My dad joins in the clapping next, and soon everyone is clapping Damon on as he takes a shaky bow on my lap.
He scrambles off me and turns around. Damon quirks his brow and reaches up to wipe away the tears lining my lash line. “Did you not like it, uncle Jer?” His voice is so sad, like he truly thinks that I would be disappointed in a performance as amazing as that.
“I loved it, Damon. You did amazing. I’m sure uncle Rai loved it.” And that I’m sure of, if Raiden was awake he would be joining in on the singing with Damon, belting it from the top of his lungs and spreading the joy to everyone.
But Raiden isn’t awake, and the doctor doesn't know if he’ll ever wake up. And I’m the only one who knows the truth of the dire situation.
“Can I tell you a secret?” Damon leans in close and I bite my tongue from telling him we don’t keep secrets, but maybe this once it’ll be fine and I’ll tell him secrets aren’t a good thing. Especially at his age.
“I had a dream about uncle Rai, but I was too scared to tell mom. She’s been sad so I didn’t want to make her sadder.”
His words have my chest shaking but I manage to ask him, “What was it about, buddy?”
