“You don’t have to know what it looks like right now, but I’m not going to risk the life I’ve built since I’ve been back if all you’re asking for is a quick fuck or whatever else it is that youcould be looking for.” I don’t think I could stand it if all he needed from me was a strong shoulder to lean on until he figures out his own life. Is that what this is right now? His life is in shambles but he’s always been able to rely on me.
“I’m not leaving, not again. I’m not going back to California either. I quit, so I’m looking for something to do around here. That’s something else I needed to talk to you about…” He drags off and smiles at me with an embarrassed half smile.
Hewhat?He quit his job, his lucrative job, dancing and doing what he loves, to come back here. There’s something else brimming under the surface but I don’t know what it is. Surely he didn’t do this just because of the divorce from Josh. They’ve been separated for a year, it shouldn’t have made that big of a difference when Raiden actually announced it.
“I wasn’t happy, not anymore. I used to love dancing, but over the past few years it's become a chore. Creating choreography on the spot, having to tweak every minor thing until it’s something I don’t recognize anymore. I lost all freedom I had to just dance. I want my freedom back. I want to buy a house, make it a home like the one i grew up in. Full of laughter and love. I want a room where I can dance in, without prying eyes or anyone expecting more from me. I want to dance… ” The last part is barely a whisper, a hint of vulnerability in the safe space of my room.
I yank his body up, so his eyes are even with mine. I turn on my side and throw my leg over him, pulling him in close to me.
“My tiny dancer,” I say. I can’t fight the need any longer. I want to kiss away his tears, worship him with my mouth and my body until he no longer has a reason to cry.
I kiss him. Pressing our lips together and taste the salty remnants of his tears and something that is uniquely him. Only Raiden. My tongue traces his lips, leaving behind a trace of me on him. Something for him to carry around even if he doesn’t know it yet.
I want to crack open my soul and let him crawl in so I can keep him safe and warm from the harsh world. If all he wants to do is dance, I’ll spend every breath I have making sure he can do that.
Our mouths war against each other, the want and the need to consume each other. To never let him out of my sight again and keep him in this room ready and waiting for me. To make up for all the time we’ve been apart.
I roll onto my back, and bind my arms behind him to roll him with me. He lands on my chest with a smalloomphand I take the cue to explore his wet, compliant mouth.
“Wait,” Raiden groans against my mouth and I let go of him immediately, pulling back to look at him. His lips are swollen from my kisses, and his eyes are closed, dark lashes resting against flushed cheeks.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?”
“No, it was perfect. You’re perfect. I just know we stopped earlier because you said…”
Awh fuck, he’s right. It’s not fair to Raiden to have me here with him, when he doesn't truly have all of me.
“I’ll talk to him, I promise,” I vow to him, pulling him back close to me and guiding his head to rest on my chest, right above my heart, where he can hear it beating quietly for him.
I stroke my hands through Raiden’s hair as he traces his fingers across my collarbone, rubbing the hard bone until his fingers start to slow down. Even when I’m sure he’s dozed off, I don’t stop petting him. I never want this feeling to go away.
The overheard light still shines, keeping Raiden’s skin glowing even through the dark night and the storm raging outside my window.
“Goodnight, tiny dancer,” I whisper beside his ear as my eyes drift shut.
24
JERICHO
It’s Halloween day, and I’m helping my mom set out the last minute decorations for the kids to stop by and see tonight. There’s an inflatable tunnel that leads from the edge of the sidewalk to their front door, nothing too scary but kids of all ages love it every year so my mom keeps putting it out.
I haven’t had a chance to talk to Liam since his schedule has been crazy the past few days. Tonight will be the last night of us together and I don’t want to ruin his Halloween so I’m waiting until tomorrow. The day after Halloween is better, right? Then at least the holiday won’t be ruined for him.
Fuck, I’m an asshole.
Raiden slept over the other night, and the next day I dropped him off at his parents’ house. I kissed him goodbye before he jumped out of my front seat, and we have spent every free moment texting since.
There’s a new case that I start on next week for Hollis, so maybe me getting out of town for a few days will help the shitstorm that I’m going to create. My parents are going to be noticeably upset, and I’m sure my friends will be, too. Liam hasbecome a fixture in my life, but sometimes fixtures have to be replaced.
Liam will move on, he’s a great guy. He deserves all of someone’s affection. Not someone like me who is currently showing all his affection off to someone who isn’t Liam.
“Jericho! Come get the statue. I need to set it out to put the candy bowl on but I need to put stakes in the ground to hold it down. I don’t want the wind blowing it away,” my mom yells at me from the front porch as soon as I finish staking down the inflatable. If any of this blows away I’m sure my mom will be reported for causing a disturbance in our neighborhood. That’s the last thing I need her to be worrying about. She’s been running around like a chicken with its head cut off today, making sure all of her last minute deeds get done before everyone shows up tonight. It’s going to be a full house.
A full house with my boyfriend and Raiden under the same roof.
Fuck my life. How am I supposed to make it through tonight?
My phone dings in my pocket and I fish it out as I walk to where my mom is waiting on the porch for me.
