“I guess,” Karissa mutters.
“I get it,” Mom adds softly. “But you need this. You two go; enjoy yourselves. I’ve got her.”
Karissa nods, still not looking totally convinced.
“Come on,” I tell her, gesturing toward the door.
She swallows, gives Emma a kiss, then grabs her purse from the counter.
Mom gives me a look as I peel open the door for us. A look I haven’t seen in years. Usually that look was followed by a quick curfew reminder and “Jesus is watching,” but this time I’m almost thirty…and there’s no curfew, no lecture. Just the weight of whatever she’s not saying.
“So where are we going?” Karissa asks as I drive us down the lane.
“There’s a place in town that makes good burgers. Laidback, not fancy.”
“Perfect.”
I take a left out onto the road and glance over at her, the words on the tip of my tongue, but my brain is wondering if I should say it.
“You look good,” I blurt out.
She looks down at herself, brushing her hands across her jeans. “Thanks.”
“You feel more like yourself yet?”
She shrugs her shoulders once. “I don’t know. I guess…”
“Good.”
When we get inside the restaurant, the booths lined against the wall are mainly empty. There are two families eating, a few older men at the counter. Nothing overwhelming. It’s quiet for the most part.
We slide into a booth near the window. Menus are already on the table, and I know what I want but I open it anyway, so she doesn’t feel rushed to figure out what she wants.
After the waitress leaves with our drink orders, I glance at Karissa and smile. I’m still not past how good she looks tonight. I’ve seen her dressed up for church before, but this is different. Maybe it’s the way her hair’s done, or the way she smiles back at me, but for the entirety of time that I’ve known her, it’s been inthe middle of everything—pregnancy, postpartum, and sleepless nights. I guess I just haven’t had many chances to see her like this. I can’t seem to look away.
“Thanks for making me take a break,” she says with a short laugh on the end of it.
“Didn’t make you. Just offered.”
“I know. It feels weird that she’s not here too.”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
The waitress comes with our drinks, then takes our order. I get a burger. Karissa gets a grilled chicken sandwich and asks to replace the chips for fries. I’m glad. Glad she feels comfortable enough around me to order what she wants.
We sip our drinks, the silence between us a little awkward. She checks the time. I can tell she’s tense, anxious maybe, based on her jittery movements.
“She’s probably getting hungry soon,” she says.
“Yeah. Mom’s got it.” I assure her.
“I know.” There’s a sharp edge in her voice but it fades fast. “Sorry,” she adds before I can even react. I hesitate, unsure if now’s the time to bring up how much she’s been worrying. The last thing I want is to make her feel broken or like she’s failing. Tonight is supposed to be a breather, a night away from spit-up and laundry, a reminder that she’s still herself underneath being a mom.
Chapter 26
Karissa
Dinner with Cody was…fine. More than fine, really, other than the fact that the whole time he talked, my mind was somewhere else. With Emma. Wondering what she was doing, if she was looking around for me, confused why I wasn’t there. If Maureen could calm her down when she cried. If she’d take the bottle. She can be weird about that, sometimes refusing unless it’s me feeding her. I didn’t even tell Maureen to make sure she burps. One time she didn’t and it gave her such a bad bellyache. I felt awful. Or what if the power goes out? How would she warm her bottle?
