I sucked in an astonished breath.Liam came back?
He hadn’t crossed my mind since I’d discovered Nana was missing.Her disappearance eclipsed any anger over the way he’d left.My brain had been wholly occupied with worrying about Nana and berating myself for being so stupid.Liam was the furthest thing from my mind.
Did he already know I’d lost Nana?He’d never forgive me.Not that it mattered, becauseI’dnever forgive myself.
I watched, my whole body going numb as he stepped out of the car and moved to the passenger door.He reached inside, and a moment later … he helped Nana out of the vehicle.
The air rushed from my lungs, relief flooding through me with such force that my knees buckled.Stumbling to the door, I unlocked it and limped out onto the sidewalk.
“Nana.Oh my god.I’m so sorry.It’s all my fault.”I threw my arms around her, choking on the words, tears already stinging my eyes.“Where were you?I was so worried.”
“Oh, Maya.”Nana squeezed me tightly and patted my head.She held me as tears slid down my face and soaked her sweatshirt.“Hey now, that’s enough of that,” Nana murmured, stroking my hair.“You’re getting the Doc’s shirt all snotty.”
I sniffled and pulled back, surprised.“You saw Doctor Madison already?”
Liam stepped closer, his voice soft.“Why don’t we get you inside and up to bed, Nana?You’ve had a long day.I’ll explain everything to Maya while you get some sleep.”
As if on cue, Nana yawned, and a fresh surge of guilt slammed into me.Of course she was exhausted.She’d been through an ordeal, so why was I standing here letting her comfort me?
I wasn’t merely stupid.I was a stupid asshole.
“I guess I am tired.”Nana looped her arm through mine, her voice softer now.“Maya?Come tuck me in.You do it best, and it seems I wasted the last one.”
A feeble laugh fell from my lips as I swiped at my wet cheeks with the back of my hand.“Sure, Nana.Whatever you want.”
As we headed upstairs, I paused to double—okay, triple—check that the back door was locked and the alarm armed.
That’s a mistake I wouldneverrepeat for as long as I lived.
forty
she nearly died
Maya
Nanafellasleeptheinstant her head hit the pillow, but I stayed by her side.I needed to watch her sleep for a few minutes longer to reassure myself that she’d made it home safely.
Even though I’d watched her walk through the door, even though I’d held her in my arms, my body hadn’t gotten the message yet, the tightness in my chest hadn’t dissipated.I had to keep reminding myself,Nana is safe.
But she could have died.And it would have been my fault.I'd let this happen.
Only the worst kind of person lets their elderly Nana wander out into the cold alone.I.Was.The worst.
“What happened tonight, Maya?”Liam’s voice was soft, but it cut through my inner monologue before I could spiral into the depths of despair.
I couldn’t meet his eyes.I wanted to say, “I was in my apartment.”That’s all.Five simple words.But when I opened my mouth to speak, they stuck in my throat.What came out instead was a choked, garbled sob.“I-I…” I sniffled and cleared my throat.“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed.
The moment the words left my mouth, the dam broke.The emotions I’d been trying to hold back all night came crashing down, drowning me in a suffocating wave of shame and guilt.
I’d cried this hard only once before: the first night after my parents kicked me out.And much like that night, I felt small.Alone.Worthless.
The heartbreaking shame of failure pressed down on me, growing heavier by the second.Because I should have kept Nana safe.I should have taken better care of her for everything she’d done for me, but I failed.Just like I failed at being a daughter that parents wanted to keep around.
My thoughts twisted.I needed to leave.If I couldn’t take care of Nana, there was no point in staying.But what would I do?Where could I go?I couldn’t take Nana’s car.After what I did, I didn’t deserve it.
“Shhh.Shhh.It’s okay, Maya.”
Liam led me from Nana’s room before wrapping his arms around me.
