I’m still a little shocked that no one knew. It’s readily accessible information. And it’s not like I hide it. The company is called Fade Toys and my last name is Fade.
She visited the factory. What did she think we made there? I know the name Fade Toys isn’t very suggestive, but come on. Did she see any regular toys around anywhere?
Webster is the first to shake out of his stupor. He answers me with a grin. “Yes. Let’s take these pictures. Frederick, babe. Are you ready?”
Frederick stares, eyes wide, nodding absently before finally turning to Webster. “Yes. Pictures. Of course.”
Charlie burst into laughter, breaking the tension in the room. “You own a sex toy factory. Oh. my. god. Hahahaha. That’s freaking awesome. Do I get the family discount?”
Gavin presses his fist against his mouth and chuckles.
Sheila and Warren shake their heads, but I can see small smiles on both of their faces.
Everyone thinks this is hilarious.
Except Phoebe.
She’s embarrassed. I get it. She thought they were Christmas trees instead of butt plugs, and she put them on her mantle. Then she got called out for it in front of her whole family.
Oh…so that’s what she meant by setting them up and taking pictures. Now I understand why she would tell me about wanting to do that. I suppose when I think about it, I neverreallybelieved she wanted to use them for their intended purpose and then take pictures. I may have had a couple of dirty fantasies, but I didn’t believe she was actually going to do it. At best, I’d hoped she was flirting with me a little.
“Okay, how about this? I know this is funny. But it’s Christmas. What if we hold off on the teasing for the day and pretend like this”—I jerk my thumb to the butt plug display on the mantle, which garners a chuckle from the gathered crowd—“never happened?”
Charlie barks a laugh. “Why would we pretend that? This is the funniest shit ever.”
Webster snickers, and I see Frederick elbow him from the corner of my eye.
“Archer’s right,” he says. “It’s an honest mistake, really.” He grabs a plug from the mantle, testing the weight of it, turning it in his hands so the glitter sparkles in the light. “They’re really quite beautiful. Excellent craftsmanship.” He smiles at me. “But it’s probably safe to assume that Phoebe’s not well-versed in butt plugs.”
Warren chokes on a laugh.
“Okay, that’s enough.” Webster says, trying to hide a smile. “Frederick is right. They are gorgeous. Why do you think I wanted them in the background of our photos? I mean, besides the fact that it would be hilarious, obviously.”
Everyone bursts into laughter again, and irritation hardens my jaw. I have a burning need to help Phoebe and getting her family to stop laughing at her mistake is the best way I know how to do that right now.
“That’s not helping, Webster,” I whisper harshly. “Shut up.”
“Sorry,” he whispers back, before the giggles overtake him.
“Alright.” I clap my hands together, cutting through the laughter permeating the room. “Let’s all go outside and get these pictures taken, shall we?”
Webster grabs the training bundle from the mantle as I herd everyone out the door, leaving Phoebe’s mom and stepdad in the house to take care of dinner. Charlie volunteered to be on camera duty for the photo shoot and after almost an hour of progressively more risqué posing at her direction, Webster and Frederick have several daring choices for their engagement announcement.
“These really are festive,” Frederick says while placing the butt plug trees back on Phoebe’s mantle. “It’s completely reasonable to want to use them to decorate.”
I nod. “My front desk receptionist said the same thing. She had them set up as a display on the desk in the lobby at work. That’s where Phoebe saw them.” I should have realized she thought they were decorations. I let my dick get the best of me, though, and I hoped she wanted to use them. With me. Which is stupid. Why would she want me? I’m just the guy who knocked her up.
“Well, if you have any more sets available, I would love to send one to Webster’s parents. Anonymously, of course. I think it would serve them right to display a set of these bad boys for all their homophobic friends to admire.” He winks at me. “I’ll even craft new packaging, so it looks like a legitimate Christmas decoration. It could be years before anyone catches on.”
I bark a laugh. “Yeah, I think that could be arranged. If we don’t have any, I’ll repackage the display and you can have that.”
“Thank you. That would be wonderful.”
“Hello boys,” Phoebe’s mom comes out of the kitchen and heads straight to me. “Archer, would you mind trying to talk to Phoebe? She hasn’t come out of her room yet and she won’t talk to any of the rest of us. I think she’s embarrassed.”
Yeah, no kidding. If the color of her face was anything to go by, she’s beyond embarrassed. Not that she has any reason to be. As Frederick was saying, it’s an easy mistake to make with a set like this. It was designed to be festive. And if you’re not expecting anything other than decorations, then the Christmas Cheer Training Set could easily be mistaken for that. That’s why Amanda asked if she could use them to decorate her desk, after all.
“Sure, I’ll give it a shot. I doubt she’ll want to talk to me any more than the rest of you, though.”
