Gavin lets out a long wolf whistle, and a frisson of jealousy hits me in the gut when Archer laughs.
“And wemustadd those butt plug Christmas trees to the decorations in the background.” Webster’s voice grabs my attention right before I hear the sounds of squeaking brakes as my brain screeches to a halt.
I cock my head to the side in confusion. “I’m sorry. Butt plug what now?” My eyes are blinking too rapidly and I wet my lips awkwardly.He didn’t he actually say butt plug just now, did he?
He gestures to the new Christmas tree decorations Archer gave me. I’ve set them up on the fireplace mantle and draped them in twinkle lights so they sparkle, and yeah, so maybe their modern shape looks a little like…No. That can’t be.
I force a laugh. “Oh no, that’s silly. Those aren’t butt plugs. They’re Christmas decorations. Archer gave them to me.” I look at Archer for confirmation, only to see his face turning as red as his suit. Suddenly feeling unsure, I add with a stutter, “They…they make them at his toy factory.”
Gavin chokes on a laugh and someone else snickers.
“Right?” I look at Archer for confirmation, my confusion growing.
Archer clears his throat and drops his head, looking up at me through his lashes, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. I step closer to the mantle to inspect the trees. “Look at how pretty they are.” I pick one up to inspect it, noticing the way the glitter swirls through the cone shaped glass, the slightly rounded conical shape of the tree before it narrows then expands again in a…flared… base.
No!I spin on my heel after shoving the tree back on the mantle, then sprint to the kitchen and drop to my knees in front of the recycling bin. Packaging goes flying as I throw cardboard and paper over my back until I finally find what I’m looking for.
No, no, no!
Christmas Cheer Training Set.Training set.Nottree set.Training set.
“Holy shit.They’rebutt plugs.” How did I not see that? Why did I think it said Christmas Cheer Tree Set?
I stare into nothing for a moment before flipping the packaging over.What? No!
I’m hit with a mental image, a flash of purple packaging sparking in my memory.
My face drops and bile rises in my throat.
“No,” I whisper before taking off down the hallway and into my room, leaving a tornado of cardboard in my wake. “No.”
I ease into my room, creep up to my garbage can like it’s a dangerous animal that could bite my arm off at any second, and peer inside. There, right on top where I left it, is the shiny purple packaging from the vibrator I ripped open yesterday. I pinch it between two fingers and pull it out for a closer look.
There, right on the bottom in plain white lettering, it says “manufactured by Fade Toys” with the address of Archer’s toy factory directly beneath that.
Exactly like the one on the box from the Christmas Cheer Training Set.
No.
“No, no, no, no, no.”
I groan and slide to the floor, the purple package tumbling from my fingers. I decorated my mantle with festive butt plugs, that I told him I wanted to use,and photograph.He thought I wanted to take pictures of his Christmas trees in my butthole. I masturbated to thoughts of him with a toy made by his company. The mortification eats its way through my stomach as acid crawls up my throat, and I wrap my arms around myself to contain my embarrassment.
That’s it. It’s official. I can never look him in the eye again. The humiliation will kill me as soon as I do. I know it. The man runs a sex toy company, and I mistook their butt plugs for Christmas decorations. I told his receptionist I wanted a set of my own. I’m surprised I’m not dead already.
I slide further down the side of my bed and curl into the fetal position replaying the moment over and over in my mind, cringing every time I hear Webster say he wants to use the butt plugs in the background of their photos, then cringing even harder when I hear myself tell everyone that Archer gave them to me.
Ugh.
But one good thing has come of this. I won’t need to worry about my little crush anymore. Because even if heweresingle, I’m way too embarrassed to ever act on it now.
Chapter 30
Santa Picture Retakes
Archer
“Okay,so…whydon’twego ahead and get these pictures taken while we wait for Phoebe?” I take in the stunned faces of Phoebe’s family. Evidently, Phoebe isn’t the only one surprised by what I do for a living.
