“Now, don’t rush off to grab it on my account. I don’t mind one bit.” Phoebe’s mom looks me up and down, a teasing grin on her face as she flutters her eyelashes with exaggerated precision. “You can leave that shirt in the car forever for all I care.”
“That’s enough now, Sheila. You don’t want to scare the man away.” A man is squeezing past Phoebe. “Warren,” he says, holding his hand out. “Don’t mind my wife here. Her sense of humor can be…bawdy at times.”
I shake his hand. “Archer.” I jerk my thumb toward the front door. “I’m going to run out and get my shirt before we can continue this conversation. I’m suddenly very aware of my nakedness.”
The sound of laughter follows me all the way to my car. It should embarrass me to meet Phoebe and Lincoln’s family while I’m only half dressed, but for some strange reason, I’m not. I wonder if it has anything to do with the warmth of their welcome? It’s been a long time since anyone hugged me and greeted me like they were glad to see me. I absently rub an aching spot in my chest. Nah. That can’t be it.
Chapter 23
Stripper Cops And The Coffee Shop Bachelorette Party
Phoebe
“So,you’rehereearlierthan planned,” I say, setting up the coffeemaker to brew a fresh pot. “I wasn’t expecting you two until the day after tomorrow. What gives?”
My mom shrugs and starts unpacking a container of homemade treats onto a tray. “I was going through Lincoln withdrawal and thought if we came out a couple of days early I’d get more snuggle time. Gavin said he was coming today, so we followed him here.” She rolls her eyes and shoots Gavin a pointed look. “I didn’t think I’d have to worry about fighting my own son for snuggle time, though.”
“You snooze you lose, Mom.” Gavin grins and holds Lincoln up in front of his face. “I love my Uncle Gavin so much,” he says in the baby voice he reserves for when he’s pretending Lincoln is talking. “He’s my favorite person ever. Way better than my old Grandma.”
My family arrived right as I’d finished changing Lincoln and had come into the kitchen to find Archer shirtless at the sink. Perhaps it’s a good thing they got here when they did because I’d also just confirmed that those V-line abs I remembered weren’t a dream. I was perilously close to walking over and licking them to find out if they tasted as good as they looked, which would have been difficult to explain to all those involved. When he went outside to grab a shirt and came back in covered up, I could have wept at the loss. Okay, so maybe I wouldn’t have literally cried, but it was disappointing.
Maybe I can get Lincoln to puke on him again next time?
I’m still sorting through my disappointment over him leaving so soon after that, too. He came back in with a shirt on, stayed for around ten minutes, and then left, stating he wanted to give me a chance to visit with my family. I’m not proud of the stab of jealousy that went through me when I realized that was most likely an excuse he made to go spent time with his gorgeous girlfriend.
I’m pathetic.
“So, Phoebe. You didn’t tell me Archer was so handsome. Hubba hubba.” Mom wiggles her eyebrows at me and fans herself with her hand. “I couldn’t tell if I was having a hot flash or if he’s really that sexy.”
“Hey!” Warren yells with a laugh. “What am I? Chopped liver?”
Mom places a hand on his arm. “Oh, you have nothing to worry about, honey. Only you know how to do that thing with your tongue that I like so much.”
“Ew, ew, ew. Gross, Mom.” Gavin passes Lincoln over to her. “I’m leaving before you can do any more damage to my virgin ears.”
“You say that like I haven’t seen where you keep your condom stash. I know darn well you don’t have virgin ears,” she says to his back as he walks out of the room.
He groans as he spins around. “I meant they’re virgin ears in that they’re not used to hearing about my parents’ sex life, not that they’re virgin because I am a virgin who has ears.” He smiles and walks backward. “But I’m sure you know that already, since you’re keeping track of my condom stash,” he calls as soon as he’s out of sight.
Mom chuckles and nuzzles Lincoln’s neck, making him giggle. “Works every time,” she says with a sly grin. “You’re all Grandma’s now, aren’t you, Linky? Yes, you are.”
Warren shakes his head and smiles at my Mom indulgently, love shining in his eyes. “You’re something else, Sheila,” he says, leaning in to kiss her cheek. “Scarring our children for life so you can steal some cuddle time with the baby.”
She scoffs. “He’s not scarred at all. If he didn’t want me to find his condom stash, he’d hide it better.”
Warren shakes his head. “You see what I have to put up with?” he asks me. “This woman has no boundaries.”
Mom continues to make funny faces at Lincoln but uses a baby voice to tell Warren, “If he would put his own laundry away, I wouldn’t have a reason to be in his sock drawer.”
It’s adorable that Mom thinks Gavin’s only condom stash is in his sock drawer. After his glow-up this last year, he’s been having plenty of fun. He came to me a few months ago worried what our parents will think when they find out he’s attracted to girls and guys and I told him as long as he wraps it up and gets enthusiastic consent, no one should care where he put his dick, but I don’t think he’s told Mom and Warren yet. I know they won’t care, but Gavin isn’t sure. Sometimes I wonder if the reason he visits me so often is so that he doesn’t have to talk to them about it.
“I think we’ve waited long enough,” Mom says, interrupting my thoughts. “Tell us about Archer. He seems alright. But that could be a ruse to distract you from his evil plan to leave Lincoln at a carnival.”
My eyes roll before I can stop them and Mom shoots me a dirty look.
With an exasperated huff, she adds, “I saw it on the news, Phoebe. It has happened before.”
“You’re right, Mom. I’m sorry I ever doubted you. But you don’t have to worry about Archer. I had a police officer friend look into him. He’s safe.”
