“Oh, Pops. Really?” I shake my head in disappointment. “You told on me?”
“Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t call her.” Pops give Alex a hug. “Hey, Lexi Girl. What’re you doing here?”
“Tino called me. Said he saw Becca screaming in the street in front of his pizza shop. Said she was throwing things and scaring away his customers. I thought maybe I should come and see if she was alright.” Alex steps away from Pops and sits next to me on the couch. “So? What’s going on?”
I release a shuddering breath. “Nothing. I’m good. It was just a little overreaction to finding another rock holding the door open.” I point over to the collection of rocks on my bookshelves and more tears well in my eyes.
It’s not that the rocks were actual gifts or anything, but I thought it was sweet how Johnny would always bring me the rock from the door when he came over. Now that he won’t be coming over anymore, I suppose it’s good that I threw as many rocks as I could tonight.
“I’m going to leave you girls to it,” Pops says, heading toward the door. “I have a feeling this has to do with a lot more than just rocks and I’m afraid I’m not the best advice giver in those situations. But you make sure you call me if someone needs a beating. Alex never did let me hurt any of her loser ex-boyfriends. Don’t you deny me the pleasure, too. It’s a grandfather’s job to beat up shitty boyfriends. Alright, Becca?”
I chuckle. Pops was always a little put out that Alex wouldn’t let him hurt her boyfriends. The man’s been training fighters at his gym for years and is in better shape than most men half his age, so it wasn’t because she was worried about him. It’s because she always takes care of things herself. I’d like to think I’m the same way, but I tend to avoid the boyfriend situation altogether. It’s easier that way for me. But still, Pops means well.
“You got it, Pops. If anyone needs a beating, you’re the first person I’ll call.”
“Good. You ladies behave.” Pops blows us both kisses and then he’s out the door..
Alex gets up and goes to the kitchen to get a couple of glasses for the whiskey. She grabs something from a drawer before coming back to join me on the couch. Onto the coffee table go the glasses, as well as an ashtray and a lighter. She opens the whiskey and pours us each a glass before pulling a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of her joggers.
“I figured it was a whiskey and angry smoking kind of night.”
I take the pack from her, pull out a cigarette, and lean forward to grab the lighter. I light the smoke and inhale deeply. I don’t often smoke, but Alex and I decided a long time ago that there’s just something about furiously smoking when you’re angry.
Alex passes me my drink and gulp back half of it before letting it rest against my knee. We sit there in silence while I alternate between drags of my smoke and sips of my drink until I’ve finished both. I’m stubbing the cigarette butt out in the ashtray when Alex starts in.
“Alright,” she says, filling my glass again. “Time to talk. Why were you screaming and throwing rocks down the street tonight?”
I take my glass and sip my whiskey slowly this time. I’m glad she didn’t try to bring me beer. For one thing, she sucks at choosing beer. And for another, it would remind me too much of Johnny and that’s the last thing I need.
“I told you, I got pissed off when I found another rock propping the door to the building open. I may have overreacted a little.”
“Why didn’t you just bring the rock from the door in here with all the others you have?” She points to my shelf. “Why stop collecting and start throwing?”
Alex sips her whiskey, still on her first glass. She’ll be the sensible one tonight.
We always take turns helping each other through our issues, usually using whiskey and cigarettes, but the helper always attempts to stay sober enough to get the drunk, upset one into bed. It’s a nice little arrangement. Really, what more could want from a best friend?
“I didn’t bring those in here. Johnny picks them up and brings them in every time he comes over.”
“Like a penguin? That’s so cute.” Alex has a big grin on her face. I must be missing something.
“What? Why are we talking about penguins?”
“You know,” she says with her eyebrows raised. “A male penguin will present the female with a pebble and if she accepts it, they bond and mate for life.”
“What the fuck?!” Is that what he was doing? No. He can’t have been. That’s crazy. We’re not penguins. “No. No, no, no. He just brought them up so that they couldn’t be used in the door again. He just knew how angry it made me when people leave the door propped open.”
“Okay, that’s fine. Sure,” she says, turning to look at me. “Now then, why don’t you explain the part where you and Johnny have been inseparable for months and suddenly you’re home alone and sobbing in the street?”
I burst into tears, sobs choking my voice, my words lost as I try to catch my breath.
Why does it hurt this much? I stopped it before I fell too hard for him. Didn’t I?
Alex takes my drink from my hand and puts it on the table before pulling me into a hug. “It’s okay, Becca. It’s going to be fine.” She whispers over and over that everything will be fine until eventually I run out of tears.
My breath comes in huge, shuddering gasps. Alex passes me my drink and lights me a cigarette, putting it in the corner of my mouth for me. I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees, and Alex rubs circles on my back.
Funny how I spent so many years afraid of being touched that I never knew how calming and reassuring the touch of a friend could be.
I stub out my cigarette in the ashtray, blow out the last of the cigarette smoke, and without looking at Alex I say, “I think it’s time I told you everything about my scars.”
Alex looks at me, her eyebrows scrunched down and a slight frown on her lips. “I thought you already told me all about it at the pool party? You have scars from a burn you got when you were young and that asshole Milo from high school made you even more self-conscious about it.”
My heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my ears. I can practically hear the blood flowing. But I need to get this out. And Alex is my best friend. If anyone will be on my side in this, it’s going to be her. And if, for some reason, she’s not on my side, well, I’ll deal with that if it comes to pass. No sense borrowing trouble when I have enough trouble of my own.
“Yeah, that’s part of it. But I didn’t tell you the part about my mother. Or my dad.”
