Chapter 38 - Becca - The Truth
Johnny has asked me several times since we left his parents if I’m truly okay with what his sister said. And I am. For the most part.
I suppose I always knew that this fake relationship wasn’t the best idea, but I really wanted it to work. And I was hoping it would help me get Johnny out of my system. Despite his assertion that he would end up bored with me within a few weeks, here we are, months later, and he seems to feel the same as he did at the start.
And I’m falling head over heels for him.
Fuck.
Soon enough, he’ll get tired of me. Or he’ll need to make a public appearance and he’ll want to take some model or actress who will make him look good. Where will that leave me? Can I handle being kept a secret for the sake of his reputation? If that’s even something he would consider. Or will he decide I’m not worth the trouble and just move on and forget all about me?
“Here we are,” Johnny says, pulling up in front of my building.
I can tell he wants to come up. We’ve been spending nearly every night together, either at his place or mine, and it’s starting to feel so natural. Waking up with him is always the best part of my day. Other than falling asleep in his arms after he brings me such intense pleasure that I almost black out, that is.
But I need to put some distance between us or I’ll never survive it when he walks away completely.
“I had fun with your family,” I say, opening my door. “I’ll call you soon?”
Watching his face fall when he realizes I’m brushing him off nearly changes my mind. But I stay strong. I need some time to get perspective. To stop living in a fantasy world where a guy like Johnny could really want someone like me for the long term.
“Yeah… yeah, that sounds good. Goodnight, Becca.” He turns his head away from me and looks straight out the windshield. “See you around.”
“Goodnight, Johnny,” I choke out, my eyes already filling with tears. I jump out of the car quickly and slam the door just as Johnny pulls away.
Silent tears roll down my cheeks as I turn to enter my building.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I yell to the sky. “Where are these fucking rocks even coming from?”
I bend and pick up the rock in the door.
“Fuck!” I scream. I throw the rock as hard as I can into the empty street. “That’s it.”
I throw my bag over by the door and storm down the sidewalk, picking up every rock I find and hurling it down the street as hard as I can. One after the other, big rocks, small rocks, it doesn’t matter. I wind up and throw each one as far as I can, tears continuing to stream down my face the entire time, an indecipherable roar escaping me with each throw.
When I’ve walked as far in one direction as I’m willing to go, I turn back and scour the gutter for more rocks. Each one I find gets the same treatment as the others, until I collapse at my door, exhausted and sobbing.
That’s where Alex’s grandfather, Pops, finds me when he’s leaving his gym.
“Alright, darling.” He holds his hand out to help me up. “You’ve made enough racket out here for one night. Let’s get you inside and you can tell me why you’re screaming at the top of your lungs and throwing rocks all over the road.”
I sniffle and wipe my eyes with one arm and give Pops the other. He may be old, but he’s still strong, and he pulls me to my feet with almost no help from me. He stoops and picks up my bag, finds my keys, and lets us into the building.
“I’m okay, Pops. You don’t need to come up.”
I just need to cry for a few more hours and then I’ll be ready to plan out the rest of my life. I need to figure out how I can survive knowing I can’t have the one man I love more than anything. Not just that I can’t have him, but that he’ll likely end up with someone better than me in no time at all, like I didn’t even exist.
“Bullshit, kid. Women who are okay don’t spend half an hour screaming and crying while throwing rocks into the street.” He gives me his arm and together we walk up the stairs.
Pops lets us in to my apartment and deposits me on the couch. I hear him rummaging around in the back of the apartment before he comes back with a cool washcloth.
“Wash your face, darling. You look like a rabid raccoon.”
I make a noise that somewhere between a sob and a laugh. “Thanks, Pops. You sure know how to make a lady feel good.”
He barks out a laugh. “Is there a lady in here?” He swivels his head around and spins in a circle. “All I see is the crazy person who was throwing rocks and carrying on in the street, disturbing all the neighbours.”
“Knock, knock. Is there room for one more?” Alex knocks on the already open door of the apartment. “I brought whiskey.”
