Chapter 17 - Becca - Fitting In
“Oh my god, that’s amazing.” I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. “I can’t believe he hasn’t been walking with a limp all week. You have a rock hard head, kiddo.” Jack spins around and smiles at me, proud of the little head-butting stunt Rose and Agnes have been telling me about.
I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, the filling in a Donovan sandwich made of four different members of Johnny’s family, but it took next to no time at all for me to feel comfortable with this much physical contact. I’ve never wanted to call my therapist in celebration before, but I feel like I should at least call and leave a message about this. This is huge. His Mom even hugged me. Like, really hugged me. I almost cried right there in the front yard. My mom hasn’t really hugged me since before the accident, so I forgot what a hug like that felt like. I didn’t even know enough to know that I missed it.
And now I know I really missed it.
“You doing alright in here?” Johnny asks from across the room. He must’ve just come in with his other sister, Millie, the one who opened the truck door for me when we arrived. “Do you need to get going soon?”
“No,” Mom says, disappointment colouring her voice. “You don’t need to leave, do you? You’re going to stay for dinner.”
“I’d love to stay for dinner,” I hear myself telling her, not at all surprised to find that I mean it. I would love to stay. So I will. “Thank you.”
Johnny raises an eyebrow at me, silently questioning whether I’m actually okay with staying or if I’m trying to be polite. I give him a slight nod and then gently squeeze Jack and Allie before passing them off to the ladies on either side of me.
“Johnny, can you take me to find your dad? I believe I was promised a beer and a tour of his beer haven in the garage. I got distracted by these adorable kiddos when we walked in and he slipped away from me.”
“Sure thing,” Johnny says, crossing the room in three long strides and holding a hand out to help me up. I think I’m almost as shocked as he is when I grab it and don’t let go once I’m up.
“I’ll be back soon, Agnes. I can help you in the kitchen if you like, as long as you show me what to do first.”
“Oh no, dear. You’re our guest. We have more than enough kids around here to help out. You enjoy your beer with the boys. Lord knows they’re going to be beside themselves with excitement to have a new person to talk to about hops, and brewing, and barley, and all the other nonsense that goes along with that stuff they drink.”
I chuckle at her description of our beers. Sounds like she is not a fan. She would get along great with Alex, I’m sure. Alex has never had any interest in my beer talk, either.
“Well, that’s very kind of you.”
Johnny pulls me out of the living room and past the kitchen to an empty mudroom. With having this many kids around, it makes sense that the Donovans would have a huge back entrance like this. I can’t imagine trying to get everyone in and out of the front door in the middle of winter, never mind where you’d keep everyone’s coats and boots. If I ever have a house of my own, I want a mudroom like this. Johnny drags me further into the room, closing the door behind me.
“Are you okay?” he asks, worry lines between his eyes. “I know you’re not a big fan of touching and you’ve just had a lot of physical contact. Do you need a break or a glass of water or something?”
I smile and shake my head. It’s sweet that he remembered I don’t like to be touched, but I feel good about what happened. “I think… I think I’m fine. Maybe your mom’s hug broke me? Or fixed me? I’m not really sure. All I know is that I froze up for a half second when she hugged me and then I just melted into her embrace. Is that what hugs are supposed to be like? I don’t have much experience with hugging.”
A look of concern crosses Johnny’s face before quickly lighting up with a grin. “Well, Mom’s hugs have always been pretty special. And she’s had lots of kids and grandkids to practice with over the years.”
“Well, she is fantastic at it.” I let out a long, shuddering breath. I’ve never let myself think about it, but I didn’t realize until just now how stressful it is being around my mother. From the second Johnny’s sister opened the truck door, I’ve felt nothing but welcome here. Exactly as I am. Whether that’s because they don’t know about the scars I’m hiding remains to be seen. For now, I’m going to allow myself to suck up all the good vibes I can, because I feel better right now than I ever have.
“Becca?” Johnny’s hands have found mine again, and he’s holding my fingers while his thumbs barely whisper across my knuckles, tickling me.
I’m looking at our hands together, the way he seems ready to stop at any moment, if I were to tell him to. But I don’t want that. For the first time since Milo, I want a man to touch me. I want to feel Johnny’s hands in places where, up until now, only my hands have been. I want him to kiss me like he has before. Like I was the only woman he’d ever wanted.
“Johnny,” I say, forcing him to look me in the eye. “Kiss me?”
So much for that rule.
His eyes widen in surprise for just a moment before he wraps his arms around me and slams his lips to mine. I open my mouth and our tongues immediately tangle together, sliding over each other’s lips and mouths, taking as much as we give.
This kiss surpasses those others, by far. Being held in Johnny’s arms while he kisses me is better than I could have ever imagined. He takes a couple of small steps and nestles me against the door, pushing his hips into me, his hard cock pressing into my belly, and I groan into his mouth. I feel the scrape of Johnny’s fingers as he runs his hand up through my hair, grasping me at the back of my head, tilting my mouth away. He leaves a flaming trail of kisses along my cheek, my jaw, my earlobe, until finally reaching that little hollow behind my ear. The tip of his tongue tentatively strokes that spot, sending shivers up my scalp, intensifying the feeling of his hand gripping my hair. He kisses his way down my neck, agonizing me with how slowly he moves, while he slides the hand not in my hair down my back until he’s gripping my ass so hard it almost hurts. He takes my mouth with his again, his tongue laving mine, exploring, caressing, and kissing with what feels like a single-minded determination to kiss me better than anyone has ever kissed me before.
Noises I didn’t know I could make escape my throat, a mewling and whimpering sound that belies a need for Johnny that is so strong, so right, that I’m not sure how I fought it for this long.
We’ve already broken the rule about only showing affection in front of my mother. Maybe we can break the one about no sex? Maybe I can change my one night rule for the duration of our fake relationship arrangement? Right now, that sounds like the best fucking idea I’ve ever had. I slide my hands under the hem of his shirt, feeling the ridges and divots that make up his hard abs. I move to pop open the button on his jeans and Johnny stops me.
“Becca, wait,” he whispers on my lips. “We can’t do this. We shouldn’t break any more rules.”
I cup his dick through his jeans, forcing a groan from his lips. “This doesn’t feel like ‘can’t’. Fuck the rules.” I say. “I want you, Johnny.”
“Oh god, Becca. You have no idea how much I want you. No idea how much I want to say fuck the rules and take you right here against this door. I want to strip your pants off, pull my cock out, and thrust into you so I can feel how hot and wet you are.” Oh fuck, I want that too. So much. Johnny releases a disappointed groan, kissing me deeply before releasing me. “But we’re in my parents’ mudroom, there are kids running around all over the place, and my dad is waiting to show you his beer cave. If we hide out here any longer, they’re going to send out a search party.”
“Fine,” I say, heaving out a huge sigh. It’s probably better this way. Changing the rules would complicate things too much. But maybe, in this situation, complicated isn’t such a bad thing? “But before we leave this room, can I ask for one more thing?”
“Anything,” Johnny promises.
“Will… will you hug me?” I look down at the ground, old feelings rushing in, fear of rejection flooding my veins.
Strong arms wrap around me, pulling me close, leaving no space between us. Johnny guides my head to rest on his chest. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold him tightly, afraid to let go. His heartbeat in my ear calms me, and soon I’m pulling away from the hug.
“Thank you,”
He tucks my hair behind my ear and cups my face, a smile on his lips. “Anytime, beautiful. Anytime.”
