How could Andrew be so cruel? For someone who professed to love me, he sure seemed to exude hateful feelings tonight. I never would have expected that type of reaction from him. He was furious. Like, foaming at the mouth furious. I am so lucky Ryder got here when he did. If only he could have been here a few minutes earlier. Maybe he could have stopped Andrew from breaking all my stuff.
I must’ve had 25 or more pieces of embroidered artwork, plus another 10 or so pictures hanging on that wall that he destroyed. I’m going to have so much glass to clean up tomorrow. And then I’ll have to go find all new frames for everything. It took me years of shopping at vintage stores and thrift shops to find the ones that I had. Replacing those won’t be easy.
Walking back to the bedroom, I see Ryder has already finished changing the sheets and is just fluffing up the duvet now.
“Thank you, Ryder.” He turns to face me at the sound of my voice. “You’ve been so helpful tonight.” I wish I could hug him again, but now that he knows about the pregnancy, I really need to keep my distance. If I’d been keeping my distance this whole time, it would probably be easier to stay away from him now that he knows.
He surprises me by coming over and wrapping me in his arms. Tears well in my eyes as I wrap my arms around his waist, getting as close as I can. How am I going to be able to keep my distance when he’s here in front of me, offering exactly what I need?
“Time to get into bed, babe. You’re dead on your feet.” Ryder turns and pulls the covers back, motioning for me to get in. “Is it OK if I lie with you for a bit?”
“You… you want to be here with me? Even though I’m pregnant?” I blurt, shocked. I really thought he would turn and run as soon as he found out.
“I want nothing more than to hold you while you sleep, if you’ll let me. We can worry about the rest later. Tonight I just want to comfort you after this crazy day.”
My stomach drops. Oh. Right. He’s just being a good friend, comforting me when I’m obviously upset. I should have realized he wouldn’t actually still want me. And I should be glad about that. It will make it much easier to stay away from him knowing that it is back to not even being a possibility.
So why does it hurt so much to hear him say it?
“Sure, Ryder. Thank you.”
I climb into the bed and slide to the other side, turning to face away from him. I hear the sounds of him changing behind me. He’ll probably get down to his boxers again. Becausethat’swhat I need. A reminder of exactly what I can never have again. I feel the tears welling up as Ryder’s weight pushes the bed down behind me. He fixes the blankets over us and then reaches over my waist, pulling me against him. He holds me with one arm while he plays with my hair with the other.
As I focus on keeping my breathing even, silent tears trail down my face, soaking into my pillow. This needs to be the last time I get to feel Ryder’s muscular arms around me. I can’t handle him being so close when I know I can’t have him.
Eventually I run out of tears and my breath steadies itself without my interference. Sleep finally takes me, dreamless and dark, allowing me the rest my body so desperately needs.
