“Ah fuck, dude.” Devon yells at the same time as Connor says, “Warn a guy, would you?”
“Oh, come on, guys,” I say, sticking out my pelvis and making my dick flap back and forth against my legs. “I thought we already established that y’all love seeing my dick?”
I jump up on the bench and turn my ass toward them before bending over to grab my shorts out of my bag.
“Heullghh,” Devon gags, but I’m pretty sure it’s fake. “Ido notlove seeing your dick and I mostdefinitelydo not love seeing your balls or your asshole.”
Connor laughs. “Put those away, man. How am I going to fight you with the sight of your rusty bullet hole burned into my brain?”
I step off the bench and slip into my compression jock shorts. There’s no way I’m sparring without some kind of protection for my junk. That’s just reckless.
“Damn, you figured it out. My evil plan is to blind you with my nut sack and asshole then submit you with an armbar.” I consider pulling on the training shorts I usually wear over top of the compression shorts but I feel like these guys deserve the spectacular view that is my ass in spandex. You’re welcome. Instead, I just grab my mitts and my mouth guard and head out. “See you out there.”
Grabbing a jump rope off the wall, I walk to an open area and start jumping. Soon Connor joins me, and Devon heads over to the free weights area to get some lifting in before we get started.
Once we’re both warmed up, we go over to the ring and call Pops over.
He checks our gear, raising an eyebrow at my shorts. “Getting into spandex now?” he asks.
I laugh. “Yeah Pops. Connor just can’t stop looking at my ass. I figured I’d make it easy for him.”
A small crowd of other gym goers has gathered around the ring. I guess this fight is going to have an audience. I wasn’t really planning to pull out all the stops, but with this many people I sort of feel like I need to teach Connor and Devon both a lesson. Connor may have been training with Pops for a long time, but what they don’t know is that I’m not completely inexperienced with MMA. I did a lot of martial arts training when I was a kid, specifically Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and that’s exactly how I’m going to win this fight.
Pops explains the rules to us and gives us the signal to fight. As I expected, Connor comes in strong with his punches, clocking me a few good ones before I put him on the defensive. Within a matter of seconds I have him down on the ground and I’m in full mount. He attempts to throw me off but before he can really move I’ve flipped over to the side and put him in the armbar I warned him about in the locker room. The only thing left for him to do is tap out, which he does almost instantly.
Not even a full round. Damn, I still got it. I smile to myself.
“Where the shit did that come from?” Connor asks while he rubs his arm. Armbars don’t feel good and Connor is going to feel this one for a few days. It’s a good thing he tapped out so quickly.
“Oh, didn’t I tell you I used to train in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu? It must’ve slipped my mind when you said you were going to give me an ass-kicking. If I recall correctly though, I did warn you about that armbar.” I laugh as I grab the bottle of water Pops is offering me. “It’s not my fault you couldn’t stop thinking about my balls.”
“I can’t believe how quickly you got me, man.” Connor shakes his head. “I had no idea you could fight like this.”
“To be fair, if I hadn’t gotten you to the ground that quickly, you would have had a better shot. I’m not as skilled with stand-up fighting as I am on the ground. Maybe I could teach you some stuff, if you want? I used to teach some of the little kiddies at my gym when I was younger.”
“Fuck off. Really? People let you instruct their kids?”
“What? Like I can’t take charge of a class of little kids? You really have no faith in me. Kids love me. Never mind,” I say, taking a big drink of my water, “I’ll teach Alex instead and then she can kick your ass when you need it.”
“No way man, she’s tough enough as it is, she doesn’t need any more training.” Aww, poor Connor. He actually looks a little bit afraid. I have to admit that I am a little too. I saw Alex’s hands after she beat up Connor’s would-be rapist. Alex hit that girl so hard that she broke her own hand, and, if the rumours were to be believed, she also broke that girl’s face.
“I think that’s a great idea, Ryder,” Pops says seriously. “And when you have time, I’d actually like to talk to you about helping me out with some of the self-defence training I’m offering to teen girls in local schools. BJJ would be an excellent skill for them to learn.”
“Wow, Pops…” I’m actually a little taken aback at his trust in me. “That means a lot to me. I’ll call you later and we can talk about it. I’d love to help.”
Look at that. One little fight and Connor and Devon have already given me some good new coping mechanisms.
This hasn’t been a complete shitshow of a day after all.
