13
Ryder - Better Coping Mechanisms
I’m just sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself, nursing my bottle of vodka. I was planning on drinking it quickly but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Denise has never been mine and all the drinking I’ve done has never made me forget her, so clearly that method doesn’t work.
“Hey, dumb fuck.” Connor walks into my place, with Devon close behind. “Alex told us to come check on you.”
“I’m good,” I say. “You can leave now.” I don’t need their shit at the moment.
Devon sits on the couch beside me.
“That was a pretty intense conversation you were having with Denise today.” He tells me while he takes my vodka and puts the lid back on. “Anything you want to say?”
“Nope.” I’m not volunteering any information to these two. The less they know, the better.
“OK, well, here’s how I see it.” Devon passes the bottle to Connor, who takes it to the kitchen. “You’ve been in love with her for years, but you’ve been doing everything in your power to not be. How am I doing so far?”
“Shut up.”
“OK cool. I’m on the right track.” Devon just smiles at me, the asshole. “What you don’t realize is that she’s been in love with you for just as long. Everyone thinks I’m just the security guy, but I see everything. She’s been in love with you for years. And your antics have hurt her more than anyone.”
“I know!” I jump up off the couch. “You think I don’t fucking know that already? Believe me, want to make it up to her but she told me she can’t love me. I’ve ruined it and I can’t go back. She wants to try with Andrew for some fucking reason.”
“Actually.” Connor is looking through my fridge, so it’s a little harder to hear him. He grabs out a few beers and brings them to us in the living room. “Alex told me before she sent me over here that Denise is no longer interested in trying with Andrew. That was a momentary lapse in judgment, apparently.” He uses his lighter to pop the caps off the beer bottles and passes one to me and Devon before sitting down in the armchair opposite the couch. “So get that twist out of your panties if that’s what your problem is.”
“Fuck off, Connor.” It feels good to be the one saying that to him for once, for how often they say it to me. “It doesn’t matter if Andrew isn’t an option for her. She still doesn’t love me.”
“She said that she can’t love you, not that she doesn’t. Don’t be dense.” Connor looks like he knows something I don’t. “She has something going on right now, and it’s taking up most of her time. Alex won’t tell me what it is, because Denise doesn’t want to burden us, I guess, but I assure you that drinking your way to the bottom of every vodka bottle in the city won’t help you get her.”
What could Denise have going on? Is there something going on with the label and our new album? Maybe she’s thinking of taking on other clients, even though we pay her enough that she can just stick with us. She’s kind of like Devon that way. We pay them based on how much we value them in our lives, not the going rate for their role.
“So anyway, we’re here to check on you, and make sure you’re not dealing with this in an unhealthy way.” Connor tells me. “So finish up your beer, then we’re going to head to the gym to see Pops. He’ll put you through a workout and talk you down. Alex seems to think that you need to continue with being more responsible if you want Denise to give you a shot.”
“The gym sounds good, but I really don’t think Denise will give me a shot either way. I’ve been too much of a fuck up for too many years. It’s not the same as you and Alex, where you guys were completely off each other’s radar. Denise has had a front-row seat to my stupidity. And I’ve broken her heart with it so many times over the years that there’s no way she’d want to subject herself to that. Did you know Andrew is her first boyfriend since she met me? She told me that. She told me that Andrew has been jealous because he’ll only ever be second place in her eyes. Because I am first, but she can’t love me. I fucked myself, by doing what I thought was the right thing and staying away from her.”
“Yeah, well, nobody ever said that you’re not a dumb ass.” Devon punches me in the leg and laughs. “But even dumb asses can fix their mistakes. There’s hope for you yet.”
Connor finishes his beer and puts it on the coffee table. “Grab your shit and let’s go. You’re stressing me out with this. I need a workout too. We can spar.” He walks toward the door.
“What?” I’m surprised. I didn’t know he would consider sparring. “What about your pretty face? Aren’t you worried you’ll ruin it?”
“Haha, very funny. Besides, you’d need to hit me to actually make a mark,” he deadpans. “Get your shit, I’m having a smoke.”
“You heard him,” Devon stands up. “Grab your bag and let’s go. We don’t want to keep him waiting. Plus, all joking aside, I think you need to work out some frustrations before you can think clearly about this. Sparring with Connor will be good for you. But you better hit him in is stupid, pretty face, just to make him shut up.” He laughs as he walks out the door to wait with Connor.
These guys have been giving me a hard time for years, but I really couldn’t ask for better friends. Them, and Alex, since she’s the one who sent them.
I wonder if that means Denise called her after she talked to me? How else could Alex have known that I’d need someone to come and talk me down? I didn’t think I was that upset when I talked to her on the phone before I called Denise.
I grab my stuff and meet them outside. Devon drives us over to the gym in the Escalade that we usually take when we’re in town and the band goes anywhere together. I think it’s technically Connor’s, but Devon is usually the one driving.
“Pops, you old bastard. Where are you?” Connor yells out when we walk in the door. With us, at least Pops doesn’t need any kind of doorbell. We always call out for him as soon as we walk in, letting him know we’re here. “Ryder needs an ass kicking and Alex told me to give it to him.”
“I’ve been saying that ever since I met the kid. It’s about damn time.” Pops laughs from behind the front desk. “Go get changed and warm-up then we’ll get down to business.”
“This is gonna be good.” Devon is chuckling at me as we walk to the locker room. “Connor’s been training with Pops for years. You’re going to regret agreeing to this.”
“Is that so?” I ask, putting my bag down on the bench in the locker room. I quickly take out all of my piercings and strip down to my bare ass.
