Chapter Thirty-nine
West
Islide my hand acrossthe empty pillowcase, hating that the sheets where she use to lay are cold.I haven’t washed them since she left a week ago.I haven’t done much of anything but drink, work, and inhale her scent on her pillow like a fucking addict, as I rub my dick raw.
I miss every inch of her; I miss them both.It feels like my heart’s been ripped from my chest and somehow, I’m just expected to go on breathing.I should call her, but it’s all too fucking raw.I wish I’d known the last time I kissed her, touched her, made love to her, was the last.I would of held onto those minutes forever.Instead, I’m willing away every second that she isn’t by my side.
Rolling out of bed, I shower and get dressed, and then I make a coffee in the kitchen that no longer feels like home.
I let Ham out of the barn, feed him breakfast, and kick him the ball a couple times, but I think even he knows I’m just going through the motions.He tilts his head up and bellows, crying for them, and then he repeatedly butts his big nose against my leg, as if he knows them no longer being here is my fault.
When his sadness is too much for me to bear, I leave him in his little pasture and head to my office in the stables by the main house.I don’t find the peace and quiet I’m looking for.That’s the thing about ranch life, it’s never fucking peaceful.Like right now, when I glance up from my laptop to find Wade standing over me.I jump about three feet in the air, and it’s good to know I still, in fact, have a heart that beats, because mine is racing now.
“Jesus Christ, how long have you been standing there?”
“About as long as you’ve been a fucking idiot.”
I scowl.“Somethin’ you need, Wade?”
“You know, all I ever wanted from the time I was old enough to realize what it meant, was what our mama and daddy had.”Wade takes a seat in the ratty barn chair opposite my desk.He snatches up a stress ball on top of the invoice tray.“I never understood why you didn’t want that.”
Because it fucking destroys you when it falls apart.
“I don’t understand how you let them slip through your stupid, stubborn fingers, brother.”He tosses the ball in the air and catches it, again and again.“Daisy’s the one, and you let her get away.”
“It ain’t that simple.”
“It ain’t?Because from where I’m sitting, it seems pretty fucking simple.If you love her, go after her.”
“I’ve got a ranch to run.”
“And it’ll still be here when you get back.”
“I can’t move to the city, Wade.Ranching is all I know how to do.”
“Then get a new fucking skill set.”My brother pitches the ball at my face.I dodge, but not fast enough.It still manages to hit my shoulder and bounce onto the floor.Asshole.“I thought you were smarter than this.”
I glare, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing me explode.“I can’t leave.Okay?I can’t leave all this in the hands of one of you knowing you might fuck it up.I’m trying to spare you, Lemon, and Wyatt the heartache of losing the ranch.”
“Then appoint Colt as ranch manager.He’s reliable, he loves this land, and he’s got the most to lose if it all goes south.”
“This shit with the Thorntons isn’t done.”
“No, it’s not, but that feud has been going a long time, long before you or I were born.It’ll still be there when you get back or when you die—whichever comes first.”
“And if we lose more cattle?”
