She takes a seat beside me on the bed. “Listen, babe. I get it. I really do. I obviously haven’t been in your shoes, but I also think, from what you’ve told me, that Grayson wouldn’t hurt you on purpose. Ever. In fact, he could’ve kept this to himself, dropped you on the forum, and just moved forward with you in real life. But he wanted to be honest with you, and I think that really speaks for itself.”
I never thought of it that way. I’m still angry, still hurt, but I guess I can see where he was coming from a little more clearly than I could last night or this morning.
Sitting up, I scoot back onto the bed, bringing my knees up to my chest. Wren waits patiently for a few seconds without saying anything, and then she can’t handle the silence any longer.
“So…what are you actually feeling right now? What are you the most worried about? I guess a good way to think about it is, what would you have done differently if you were the one to put the puzzle pieces together first? Would you have brought it up?” She shrugs again. “If I were in homeboy’s shoes, there’s no way I would’ve had the balls to tell you like he did. I would’ve kept that shit locked up for good, ghosted the thread, and ridden off into the sunset with your fine self.”
I can’t help but laugh at her theatrics, but she has a point, again.
What would I have done if I were in his position? Would I have risked whatever this was between us? Or would I have been stuck in the same cycle of guilt as he said he had been?
“I guess I don’t really know,” I finally admit, playing with the hem of my sweatshirt.
“How did he handle it?”
I look at her, not quite understanding. “What do you mean?”
“Was he upset, or did he play it off like it was no big deal?”
He looked…broken, in a way. Raw. Like he was afraid of telling me, not because of what it might mean for him, but afraid of hurting me. As if causing me any pain or discomfort was the thing he was desperately trying to avoid.
“He looked wrecked. He didn’t beg me to forgive him or anything. He even respected my decision when I told him I needed space.”
“Mhmm,” she says, far too confidently. “And do you think a boy that was intentionally trying to deceive or hurt you would act that way?”
I shake my head, because no, I don’t.
I think Grayson is a lot of things, but none of them are bad.
He’s kind. He’s caring. He notices things about me that no one else does, even Wren and Kai. He knows that I’m doing my best to fit in and doesn’t push me to try to be better or push myself too far. He accepts me just as I am, for who I am, flaws and all.
He doesn’t care that options overwhelm me. He’s patient when I take extra time to make decisions. And the physical effect he has on me speaks for itself.
Grayson makes me feel confident, sexy even, and I’ve never felt that way before. The way his eyes devoured me in the dress I wore to the donor dinner made me feel like I could be bold in asking for what I want, in taking what I need. The restraint he’s forced himself to follow when he flexes his hands at his sides, when I know he’s dying to reach out and take my hand in his.
I know he’d never intentionally hurt me.
Looking back at Wren, I can feel my anger and hurt slowly simmering, allowing my thoughts to be more rational and calm.
“Exactly,” she says, her bob swaying as she nods. “No one said you couldn’t be mad but love the guy at the same time.”
My heart feels like it’s all but stopped.
Love.
That’s what this is. This feeling that’s been growing over the last few weeks. The feeling of being safe and secure, seen and not judged, heard but not rushed.
I’m in love with Grayson Bennett.
Wren clocks the shift instantly. “Oh. OOH. You didn’t know what this was, did you?”
I shake my head, unable to form any words at the moment.
She smiles softly. “You didn’t have the best time with it in high school, but yeah, babe. Love is wild. It creates the highest of highs, but sometimes it can also lead us through the lowest of lows. It’s worth it, though. And eventually, you’ll stumble into the love of a lifetime, whether you think you’re ready or not.”
Leaning forward, I wrap my arms around my best friend, hugging her tightly. I need something familiar after all that.
“I missed you,” she says, voice quieter.
