I’ve spent the last two days trying to convince myself I could let her go.
The problem is, I still haven’t fully accomplished it. On one hand, maybe she finally got the closure she needed, and she’ll never think of this town again.
I should be able to live with that. It’s what’s best for her.
On the other hand, I don’t know what I want without her. Scratch that. I know exactly what I want.
Only her.
I don’t think I ever got past what happened, but I found a way to convince myself that I did the right thing and learned to live with it. Maybe I would’ve if Ash hadn’t come back. But I knew the second I found her keys in the garage, it’d break me to let her go a second time.
I’ve gotten as far as the truck a handful of times since she left, only to talk myself out of going after her. Then I saw that picture I took from her room.
I can’t live like this.
For the first time in years, my mind is crystal clear.
I know exactly what I want. I want the girl I’ve spent afternoons with under the magnolia tree and shared secrets with on the roof. I want a life where we’re safe and happy and she tells me when I’m being an asshole and I get to listen to her ramble about whatever pops into her head.
I want years with her, not just summers.With my heart thumping wildly in my chest, I put on my shoes and walk out of the apartment. Pulling out my phone, I call JT.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey, can you open the shop tomorrow? I’m gonna be out of town.”
“Sure. Where you going?”
“To Ash’s.”
“You’re going after her?” he asks excitedly.
“Yeah. Enough fucking around. I love her.”
“Yeah, I know.” I can hear him smiling through the phone. “Good for you. You deserve to be happy, man. So does she.”
“Oh, one more thing, can you get her address from Shane?
“Uh, sure. I’ll try”
“Don’t tell him it’s for me. He’ll freak out, and I’m not ready to deal with that shit,” I say.
“I’ve got you.”
This time, I make it all the way to my truck and climb in. Turning the key, there’s no voice talking me out of it this time.
I have to try.
My hands sweat and my knees bounce the entire two hours to Raleigh. This is what I should’ve done six years ago.
My dad was wrong. Brenda was wrong.
I was wrong.
Nothing matters without Ash.
She’s the sun. It’s cold and dark outside her orbit, and I don’t want to live there anymore. I miss her warmth and her laugh.
She’s mine, and I’m not letting her get away again.
