Since I can’t go back for her, maybe I can drink her out of my system.
My dad stops me as I storm through the parking lot. “Gabe?—”
“Don’t!”
“Gabe, listen to me.”
I whip toward him. “No! Fuck off! You’re the whole reason any of this happened. You and your goddamn club!”
“Gabriel!” he shouts. “I’m trying to be understanding because you lost a friend, but watch your mouth.”
Stopping, I lift my face to the sky, running my tongue over my teeth.
“I lost more than a friend.”
I lost the love of my life because I dumped her while she laid in a hospital bed.
Because of me.
I typed out that text and deleted it a dozen times before finally hitting send. I knew if I saw her, I’d cave. If she’d looked at me with those gray eyes full of tears, I’d have taken her right back. Which is exactly what I wanted to do at the memorial. I saw her the moment I set foot in the church and my heart squeezed, ripping and tearing inside my chest, but I walked straight ahead. I grieved the boy who could have been a brother if not by blood. Then, there was no more oxygen left in the room.
I had to get the fuck out of there because being that close and knowing I’d have to walk away was eating me alive.
He sighs. “Son, I’m sorry.”
“Save it.” I start toward the club. “I don’t want to hear it.”
He stops me with a hand on my shoulder. “Too bad. Iamsorry. I hate what happened, but if you’re gonna be in this club, ending things was for the best. You saved her from a lifetime of hurt.”
“Great! And what if I don’t want to be in this club anymore?”
He rears back, his brows pinching. “You don’t mean that.”
“Oh, I very much do.” I stomp away from him before I can say something I regret.
“Where have you been?” JT asks as I march through the door.
I grunt, walking past him until I get to the bar. Grabbing a fifth of whiskey, I find a cornerto sulk in.
The last image I’ll have of Ash is her in my rearview mirror, tears soaking her cheeks as I tore her heart out and stomped on it at the memorial.
At least, I hope that’s the last I ever see of her, because I’m not sure I could turn her away a second time. As the amber liquid burns my throat, I decide I’ll never bring another into this mess again, and I won’t ever allow myself to become attached to someone that I can’t keep.
It hurts too fucking much.
35
GABE
AUGUST PRESENT DAY
Ash left,again.
My heart feels like it’s been ripped open from the inside,again.
And I don’t know that I can handle it this time.
I’m struggling to keep myself from regretting everything.
