My dad approaches and squeezes my shoulder. When I spin around, he pulls me to him. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
We’ve lost club members before, but this is different. I’ve known Akers damn near my whole life. I was there when he finally learned to ride his bike because Theo told him he couldn’t come with us to the corner store until he could. When we snuck him into our grad night because even though he was a year younger than us, he spent most of his time with our class instead of his own. The night we thought we were going to jail for egging our teacher’s house, Akers was the first to get caught because he panicked instead of running. Luckily, one of the other kids had a dad on the police force and got us off the hook.
Now I’ll never see him again. Eighteen years of memories over in one moment. And I did nothing to stop it.
Maybe if I’d?—
JT’s voice breaks through my spiral. “She’s still in surgery. Shane’s heading over there now.”
My mother rushes over to Shane. When she reaches for him, he brushes her off, putting up his walls. She says something to him, crossing her hands over her heart. Throwing his hands up, he responds, then stops, watchesher as she speaks. After a few moments, he puts his hands on his head.
His chest heaves once.
Twice.
He collapses into her.
“Take me to the hospital,” I demand.
“Gabe—”
“Dad! I’ll walk if I have to, but you’ll have to put me in the fucking ground to keep me from going.”
He thinks about it for a beat before nodding.
“You coming?” I ask JT.
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
My mom drives Shane separately.
When we walk into the waiting room, he spots me, his eyes widen, and he charges. “What areyoudoing here?”
“Fuck, Shane! I’m sorry.” Tears pool in my eyes.
He pins me to the wall, getting right in my face. “Be glad she’s still breathing because if she wasn’t, you wouldn’t be either.”
“I didn’t want this to happen.” I shove him off. “I love her!”
Pointing in my face, he shouts, “I told you this was a bad idea! I told you to leave her the fuck alone!”
My voice cracks when I speak again. “I didn’t mean for her to get hurt.”
“Yeah. Well, she wouldn’t have almost bled to death if she hadn’t been in your fucking apartment, would she?”
My chest feels like it’s on fire.
“Hey!” My dad steps between us. “Enough. This isn’t about either of you right now. You can fight this out later.”
“There’s nothing to fight out. He’s dead to me,” Shane spits, walking away.
I can see it on my dad’s face. He doesn’t think Shane’s wrong. This is my fault. I loved her, and it almost got her killed… it still might.
Pressing my thumb and index finger into my eyes, my words leave my lips through a sob. “I thought I could keep her out of it.”
“I know.” I’ve never seen my dad cry. Not one time. But he has tears in his eyes.
“I fuck—” Groaning, I swipe my hand over my face as it crumples. “I fucked up.”
