‘Of course not.’
Adam brought his arm around my shoulders and drew me in for a kiss that felt more than just a quick peck.
He’d spoilt me over the last few weeks with thoughtful gestures and unexpected gifts in the run-up to the wedding. It didn’t surprise me that he had another one up his sleeve before the rehearsal dinner tonight. I didn’t deserve him. I truly didn’t deserve him, and he definitely didn’t deserve to be marrying someone who’d lain awake for half the night thinking about someone else. I was a horrible, horrible person.
‘Maybe I’ll see if they can squeeze me in for an earlier mani-pedi before Mum and Dad get here.’
‘Good idea,’ Adam said, and for just a moment I thought there was something in his voice that made it sound like we were both actors in a second-rate play. Then he looked at me and smiled and I knew it was just me, projecting.
‘I guess I’ll see you later then, after golf.’ Adam had booked a round on the hotel’s impressive course, which sounded as exciting to me as watching paint dry. ‘Unless you’ve changed your mind about joining me,’ he added, his voice warm and teasing. ‘You can drive the golf cart.’
‘Tempting as that sounds, I think I’ll go back to my room after my nails and have a rest,’ I said. ‘It’s going to get hectic later, once everyone starts arriving for the rehearsal dinner.’
I was on edge and fidgeted throughout my appointment at the salon, smudging two toenails and the nail on my ring finger – which I refused to view as an omen, even though it felt like it was.
‘Shit. Are you trying to give me an actual heart attack?’
Josh rose from the chintz armchair in my room.
‘How the hell did you get in here?’ I asked, scouring the room for some sign of forced entry.
‘I got the maid to let me in. I said I’d left my key card inside.’
I don’t know what shocked me most, his audacity or the lack of hotel security. It was amazing the doors that opened – quite literally – when you looked the way Josh did.
‘What if I’d walked in with Adam?’ I said, my pulse still galloping at his reckless attitude.
‘I took a chance that you wouldn’t,’ he said with a strange expression on his face.
I shook my head, furious that he was happy to play Russian roulette with my future.
‘This is not okay, Josh,’ I said, waving a hand to indicate his presence in my room. ‘None of this is remotely okay.’
He was still standing by the armchair, but his feet shuffled now, like he was a child being reprimanded. That got to me in a way I really wish it hadn’t.
‘If you’re here for some sort of answer—’
‘I’m not,’ he interrupted, looking up from the soft shoe shuffle he was performing on the rug. ‘I don’t want anything from you, Lily. And especially not an answer.’
A finger of fear ran down my spine. What did that mean? What had he done ... or worse, who had he spoken to?
‘Why don’t you need an answer from me?’
‘Because I’m rescinding the question.’
‘You’re what?’
‘Rescinding. As in taking it back—’
‘I know what the fucking word means, Josh.’
He flinched as though I’d lashed out with whips instead of words.
‘I no longer need to know how you feel about me ... about anything, because I realise I’ve made a mistake.’
To say the wind was taken out of my sails was an understatement.
‘So, you admit that trying to sabotage my wedding was the wrong thing to do?’ I had no idea why I was suddenly so angry, when there were so many other valid emotions to be claimed.
