His eyes were on me now, lingering on my lips before dropping to my throat, which was swallowing convulsively, and then briefly dipping lower to the shadowy space between my breasts. If he looked any harder, I was pretty sure he’d be able to see my heart beating crazily beneath the fabric of my top.
I took yet another mouthful of wine, surprised to see the bottle was almost empty.
‘It’s so good to see you again, Lily,’ Josh said, his voice hardly more than a whisper.
Very deliberately I set down my wine glass and leaned a little closer towards him. What I wanted couldn’t have been any clearer, but just in case he was in any doubt, I ran my tongue over my lower lip.
His breath hitched. I heard it, even above the blood thundering in my ears.
Very slowly, as though he could neither believe he was doing this, nor stop himself, Josh reached out and threaded his fingers through my hair and cupped the back of my neck.
‘I don’t know if this is a good idea, Lily,’ he said, his voice suddenly hesitant.
His eyes were black, the pupils practically taking over the entire iris, and for the first time ever, I felt the kind of desire I thought only existed in romantic fiction.
‘I’m sure it is,’ I said, my voice hoarse. ‘It’s such a good idea. In fact, I think it’s the best one we’ve ever had.’
And before he had a chance to refute my words, I bridged the distance between us and brought my lips within an inch of his.Then I stopped. I didn’t want to have done all the work. I wanted him to want me too.
His lips crushed mine. There was no tentative teasing. There was no peck that subtly grew to become something deeper. It was nought to sixty and then more ... so much more. His tongue found mine and I welcomed it as I leant into the kiss. My head was spinning, and it could have been the Merlot, but I was sure it was actually Josh. Always Josh. Forever Josh.
Chapter Nineteen
Eleven Years Earlier
‘Wait.’
It was my new least-favourite word in the entire English language, even more so because Josh had to say it twice before it broke through the desire that was coursing through me like molten lava.
‘Lily, please, wait.’
I blinked slowly as though coming out of a trance. My chest, exposed in its lacy strapless bra, was visibly heaving and I was panting. To be fair, we both were.
‘Please, Lily.’ There was a thread of desperation in Josh’s voice that doused the passion like a bucket of ice water. My seeking hand, which had slid beneath the waistband of his jeans, now felt like an unwelcome intruder. I carefully removed it, noting as I did that there were certain parts of Josh’s anatomy that clearly didn’t agree that we should be stopping this at all.
‘We need to think this through. We need to talk,’ Josh said, his voice still ragged with desire.
Talking had been very low down on the agenda only seconds before. It certainly hadn’t been a priority when his mouth had left mine and laid a trail of kisses down my throat, nipping gently at thesensitive skin where my neck met my shoulder. Discussion hadn’t been on anyone’s mind when he’d reached for the fastenings of my halter top and untied them. He’d looked down at me, his eyes glazed with the same emotion I knew was in mine. I’d tugged his t-shirt over his head, and it had fallen on the floor beside my abandoned top. Somehow I’d ended up beneath him on the small sofa, our legs a tangle of denim wound around each other, as though playing a very grown-up, horizontal version of Twister.
I’d known from the pressure behind his zip how much he wanted me, wanted this. Which made it even harder to believe he was now calling it to a halt.
Very gently he put his hands on my shoulders and eased himself away from me, creating a chasm that felt as wide as a canyon.
‘I’m not sure we should be doing this,’ Josh said, sounding as though he was trying to convince himself almost as much as me.
‘Why?’ I said, hearing the sting of rejection in my voice. ‘You wanted to just minutes ago.’
My eyes dropped to his jeans, where the outline of him was still pressing against the fabric. His eyes took the same path as mine. ‘I still do,’ he said with a catch in his throat that I thought had taken him by surprise. ‘You have no idea how much I want to lay you back down on this couch and peel off the rest of your clothes and show you just how much I want you.’
My smile was tentative, as though I was walking on thin ice. ‘Then do it.’ I reached out a hand and laid it on his chest. His heart was thundering beneath my palm.
‘I can’t. Or rather, I won’t.’
There was a resolution in his eyes that I recognised from the past. Whatever I said now wasn’t going to make any difference. His mind was made up.
‘Why not? Surely I at least deserve to know that?’
Josh shifted slightly and my hand fell away. ‘Because it’s you. And because it’s me. It’s us,’ he replied, which told me absolutely nothing, something he seemed to realise because he added in a low voice, ‘And because I don’t think you’ve ever done this before.’
