‘That’s easy. I thought you were a bit of a knob. Far too overconfident.’
He gave a low chuckle, which turned into a worrying coughing fit. His lungs were compromised now. His breathing was no longer silent. There was a rasp to it that I knew wasn’t going to go away.
I did as he asked, telling stories that all began with the words‘Remember when ...’They made us smile, they made us cry – but that was okay too, because we were doing it together. And ‘together’ was a luxury we wouldn’t have for much longer.
Almost as if he sensed the dark avenue my thoughts had turned down, Adam’s arms tightened around me. It was after midnight and the hospice was silent except for the occasional quietly trodden footsteps travelling the corridor.
‘Lily, I have something I need to ask you. Something I want you to promise.’
‘Morepromises?’ I said, trying to keep my voice light, but there was something about his tone that made the hair stand up on my arms.
There had been a whole collection of things he had wanted me to promise over the last days and weeks. Most of them were pretty doable.
‘Promise me you’ll remember to get the car serviced regularly.’
‘You’re worried about the car?’I’d asked incredulously.
‘I’m worried about you. I don’t want my time in the afterlife ruined by stressing about you driving around with dodgy brakes.’
Behind the humour in his eyes, I had seen the genuine concern.
‘Okay, babe. I promise I’ll visit the garage regularly.’
But not every promise was so easy to make.
‘Promise me you’ll still take that trip to Australia next year like we planned.’
I’d shaken my head sadly at that one.‘I don’t want to do that without you. That was our dream.’
Adam had taken my hand between his and squeezed it gently.‘It’s still our dream. And when you stand on the top of the Sydney Harbour Bridge, I’m going to be right there beside you. That’s my promise.’
I kind of liked that, so I’d said yes to that one too.
‘Go on then,’ I said to him now in the quiet of his hospice room.
‘This one is really a two-part promise, but it’s the most important one that I’ve asked of you.’
He looked so serious as he stared down at me. It was almost as though he already knew how I’d react.
‘Okay. Whatever it is, I promise I’ll do it,’ I said, gently running my fingers over his furrowed brow.
‘Good,’ Adam said with a slow nod. ‘Because I want you to find Josh and fix things with him.’
‘No.’ The word shot out of me before I had a chance to censor it. ‘Absolutely not,’ I added for extra emphasis. I struggled in his arms but his hold on me was surprisingly strong, in every sense of the word.
‘I need to know you’ll be alright when I’m gone, Lily. You need to go to him.’
‘No, I don’t,’ I said, gentler this time but just as firm. ‘Iwillbe alright, sweetheart. I’ve told you that. I will be sad, and my heart will be broken for a very long time, maybe forever, but I donotneed to go and find the man whose last words to me were that he never wanted to see me again.’
‘That was my fault,’ Adam said, his voice cracking.
‘I choseyou, not Josh,’ I reminded him, pressing a kiss on his lips, which felt as dry as sandpaper. ‘I will always choose you. In this life and the next.’
Adam shook his head and one of the machines he was attached to started to beep alarmingly. He was getting agitated, and that was the last thing I wanted.
‘Please, Lily. For me. Go and see him. Listen to what he has to say. And then, when you’ve heard it ... forgive him. And then forgive me.’
‘You’re not making any sense,’ I said, my voice wobbling. Was this the beginning of the end? They’d warned me that Adam might become confused, or even delusional, and instructing me to go to the man who I’d turned down to be with him was about as deluded as it got.
