‘We do,’ I agreed solemnly. ‘One hell of a lot.’
We agreed on a place and time to meet, and I was glad to see him climbing back into the car for all kinds of reasons. One of which was that he clearly needed to get some rest.
He tugged on the seat belt, but before snapping it into position his eyebrows drew closer together.
‘Why did your ... employee ... ask me if I was the “infamous mountain man” when I got here today?’ His lips were twitching once more, and it was very hard for mine not to do the same.
‘Ex-employee,’ I corrected. ‘She’s working out her notice. She just doesn’t know it yet.’
It was good to hear Josh laugh, and I locked the memory of the sound away for no other reason than I hadn’t been entirely sure I would ever hear it again.
Chapter Thirty Six
I scrubbed off the bright red lipstick. It looked too try-hard, and far too much like date make-up. As had the previous two colours I’d applied. It shouldn’t have been this hard to get ready for a casual dinner between two people who’d agreed they were just old friends. Except there was a whole unspoken agenda that I suspected we’d be getting into this evening.
Perhaps I should have taken notes from Raegan today, because her interrogation technique had made the Spanish Inquisitors look like they hadn’t really been trying very hard.
‘So, I’m assuming the two of you slept together when you got yourself stranded in the forest back in February?’ It was a bold opening bombshell, and she’d dropped it when Josh probably hadn’t even driven off the industrial estate yet.
I set down the sandwich I’d been about to bite into, my appetite suddenly gone.
‘Of course we didn’t. And how did you get to that after observing us together for all of two whole minutes?’
Raegan shrugged as though she too was amazed at her powers of observation. ‘It’s a skill. Like a superpower.’
‘You couldn’t just leap tall buildings like everyone else?’ I muttered.
She smiled but said nothing, clearly waiting for more.
‘Well, for what it’s worth, your spidey sense needs retuning. Josh and I are just good friends.’
‘If you say so,’ Raegan said, lulling me into a false sense of security in thinking the subject had been dropped. ‘But to be quite honest, Lily, anyone could have picked up on the pheromones the two of you were giving out. You could have cut the sexual tension with a knife.’ She picked up one we used for smoothing icing and made a slicing motion.
I wasn’t even sure why I’d felt the need to lie to her, but it probably had a lot to do with my IUI plans, which I’d yet to share with anyone but my parents. Somehow it felt all kinds of wrong to be talking about Josh in one breath and trying to have Adam’s baby in the next.
Now, beneath the unforgiving halogen lights of the bathroom, I studied my finished make-up critically. My lids were shaded in a soft smoky grey, making my eyes look much bigger than usual. Unfortunately, the same could be said of my lips, which were plumply swollen after being vigorously wiped clean so many times. I slicked some clear gloss on my new pout and hoped it would go down by the time I got to the gastro pub where we’d arranged to meet.
The outfit I’d chosen was left out on my bed, while piled high on the bedroom chair was practically everything else in my wardrobe, which I’d tried on and discarded. I glanced at the clock and bit my lip worriedly, knowing my indecisiveness had made me late. The problem was that virtually everything I’d pulled from its hanger came with an inbuilt memory of Adam. Normally I loved the way even my clothes had a provenance that traced back to him, because it made it feel like he was still walking invisibly beside me. Buttonight there would be enough to contend with, without inviting even more memories to join us.
The black jeans and short-sleeved black lace top I’d finally decided on were both new; purchases made since Adam had gone. The thought brought me to a halt as I realised that one day my entire wardrobe would be that way too. He would never have seen me in any of it; never have had to keep a straight face when I asked the classic question about the size of my bum in a new garment. It was a sad thought, and I did my best to shrug it off as I hurried to the kitchen to pour out a bowl of kibble for Fletcher.
‘I’m sorry, old friend, but I’m flying solo tonight,’ I told my disgruntled dog, who looked unimpressed when I put on my jacket without reaching for his lead. To make it up to him I left him listening to Adam’s favourite country music playlist on Spotify.
The pub was only a ten-minute drive away, but I still summoned an Uber. This morning’s negative pregnancy test meant it was now safe to drink, and it definitely felt like the kind of night when I might need one.
Josh was already seated at our table when I entered the pub. I saw him despite the crowds at the bar and the full-to-capacity dining area. It was as though there was an invisible pull that snagged me whenever he was within range. Perhaps he felt it too, because without being hailed he swivelled in his seat as I stood in the doorway to the restaurant. He shot a smile across the width of the room that lost none of its potency over the distance.
He was on his feet and holding out the vacant chair for me by the time I’d weaved through the tables to reach him. He dropped a totally friend-appropriate kiss on my cheek. I breathed in the scent of his aftershave and the applewood aroma of his shampoo. He smelled like the forest where he lived.
I suspected Josh was far better than me at playing things cool. Or so I thought ... until I noticed he’d nicked himself twice while shaving.I took comfort in those tiny cuts, and wondered if his hands had been shaking as much as mine were right now. Although the idea of Josh being anything other than totally in control was hard to imagine.
He volunteered to fill our water glasses from the jug on the table, which was just as well. Had the task been mine, the place would be awash with Evian and ice cubes. It was hard to dismiss the feeling that tonight could possibly be a turning point for us. I just had no idea in which direction.
A waiter arrived to take our drinks order, and I caught Josh’s amused grin when I asked for a cherry cola. It affected me in an area smiles rarely reached. The drink was pure nostalgia, transporting me back to a time when things hadn’t been this complicated, and being Josh’s friend had felt as easy as breathing.
‘You’re looking better than you did earlier,’ I said, to fill a silence I was afraid might stretch. He glanced down at his black shirt and jeans – clothes so similar to mine it was as though we’d done that weird matching-outfit thing some couples do.Except you’re not a couple, a voice in my head reminded me.
‘What I mean is, that you don’t look so tired.’
