‘I’ve booked my flight back home. I leave in two days.’
I watched him flinch beneath my words as though they were knives.
‘Let’s walk,’ Nick said, his voice gruff. He offered me his arm and for a moment I hesitated, but the pull of him was too strong. Even across an ocean, it still would be. I slid my arm through his as we set off across the sand.
‘Why now? Why today? Was it something I did… or didn’t do?’
I couldn’t allow him to think that, even if it would have given me an easier exit.
‘There is not one thing about last night that I’d change. It was perfect.’
‘So perfect it’s made you want to hurry back to the other side of the world?’
‘It’s where I live,’ I said simply. ‘I was always going to go back. We both knew that.’
‘Has someone said anything to you?’ he asked.
‘No,’ I lied, on a knee-jerk reflex.
‘You just woke up and had a change of heart?’
‘My heart hasn’t changed,’ I told him, my voice solemn. It was the most honest thing I’d said so far.
‘I thought we had a few more weeks until you had to leave. I’ve been trying to think of ways we could make this thing work ever since I left you this morning.’
While I’d spent my day trying to cut him out of my life, he’d spent his trying to carve me a place in his own. I’d be shedding tears over that dichotomy for a long time to come.
‘Long-distance relationships never work,’ I declared, coming to a sudden stop and forcing him to face me.
‘How do you know? Have you ever had one?’
I wanted to lie, but there was a look in his eyes that wouldn’t let me.
‘No. But I know it wouldn’t work for me.’
He reached for my hands, trapping them inside his.
‘You can’t say that for sure. Don’t we deserve to at least give it a try?’
My eyes dropped to the sand, because looking at him while I stamped out all hope was just as hard as I’d always known it would be.Of course I want to try, I screamed silently.
‘I could fly out for the weekend every fortnight,’ Nick suggested, his voice still hopeful. ‘And then when Holly is away with her mum, I could come and stay longer.’
‘You’d be forever on a plane, and it would cost a fortune.’
‘Do you think I care about that? You’re worth it.We’reworth it,’ he said, pulling me towards him. I wanted to resist but my feet had run out of willpower. I collided with his chest and buried my face there so he couldn’t see how close I was to wavering.
‘I’ve accepted that big promotion at work.’ I mumbled the excuse into his hoodie. ‘It’s a huge step up for me. Lots more responsibility. I’ll be working all hours, including weekends,’ I added meaningfully. ‘We’ll end up ruining the memory. Can’t we just leave it as a single perfect moment in both of our lives? I know what will happen if we don’t. You’ll get frustrated that I’m too busy to spend time with you, or I’ll get angry that you’re always dashing back to the airport. Our schedules will never be in sync, and we’ll have to resort to kinky phone sex between visits.’
For the first time, a fledgling smile flickered on his lips. ‘See, you finally found the upside.’
I smiled sadly and stepped out of his hold. It felt symbolic.
‘Please let me have this wonderful memory of my time with a man I met under the most incredible of circumstances. If we keep trying to find a way to stay in each other’s lives, it’s going to destroy everything good about you and me.’
I saw him stiffen as my words struck him like blows. I tilted my face to look at him. His eyes appeared damp, and as much as I wanted to believe it was the wind making them water, I was horribly afraid it was me. There’s a special place in hell reserved for those who hurt someone this kind, and that was where I was heading.
‘There’s something more to this. Something you’re not telling me. None of these reasons would have made you suddenly decide to give up on us. What happened after I left you in my bed this morning?’
