He pulled me like a magnet. But then so did Amelia.
‘Okay,’ I said, my voice dropping to a totally unnecessary whisper. ‘Wait there, I’ll be out in a minute.’
I crept up the stairs like a burglar, automatically avoiding the third and seventh steps that always creaked. My heart was thumping so loudly in my chest as I eased open Amelia’s door, it was more likely to wake her than anything else ever could. She was curled up on her side, facing away from the door and towards the window. Her room was at the front of the cottage and looked directly out on to the beach, and she hadn’t drawn the curtains. I bit my lip worriedly. There was no way I’d be able to close them now without disturbing her. All I could do was trust that she wouldn’t wake up and that if she did, she wouldn’t decide to look out of the window. I turned back to the hallway and gently pulled her door to a close behind me.
I paused for a moment as I passed the mirror at the bottom of the stairs. There was no time to hunt for a comb, so I ran my fingers through my hair until it looked a little less like I’d just got out of bed. It was impossible to disguise the sparkle in my eyes or the rosy flush on my cheeks, and I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to. As much as I’d like to play it cool, my body was having none of it.
I slid my feet into the first pair of shoes I found on the rack beside the front door and slipped out into the night. Without the guiding light from Nick’s phone, it was difficult to see him on the inky black beach. I didn’t want to risk calling out his name, so I stepped blindly off the path and on to the sand, trusting instinct that I was heading the right way. A memory that wasn’t even mine flashed through my thoughts. Was this what had happened to Amelia on the night she collapsed on the mudflats? Had she believed she was on her way to meet Sam, and then somehow got turned around in the dark?
I glanced back at the cottage, suddenly wishing I’d had the foresight to leave some lights on to guide me… just in case. And then all thoughts of getting lost disappeared, as a pool of light from a phone torch flicked on and then off. My steps quickened and I turned towards the light that was guiding me towards Nick.
He had moved a little further away from the cottage, mindful of my fears that Amelia would spot us. His eyes must have been better adjusted to the darkness than mine, and I didn’t see him approach until he was right there in front of me.
‘Hi,’ I said on a whisper, which was ridiculous because our voices would surely be drowned out by the sound of the surf.
‘Hi.’ His voice, like mine, was hushed; he was taking his cues from me. I took a half step towards him, as though we were playing chess and the next move would be his. He made it, reaching out and drawing me towards him. There was a latent urgency in the way his arms circled my back and pulled me close that excited the hell out of me. It was so dark I still couldn’t see him properly and I only knew his head had lowered to kiss me when I felt the warmth of his breath on my face. A sensible person might have had a moment of concern that they’d still not visually identified the man they were about to kiss. But I’d left sensible and cautious back in the cottage. I recognised the feel, the smell and finally the taste of him, as Nick’s lips moved on mine. The kiss went on for so long that when we eventually separated, I was breathless from it… from him.
‘I’ve been thinking about doing that all day,’ he confessed, sounding almost embarrassed by the admission.
I smiled up at him, hoping there was enough moonlight for him to see how happy his words had made me.
‘It’s felt like the longest twenty-four hours of my life,’ he continued. His hands were spanned against my back, not pulling me in, but holding me close. ‘God knows what I did at work today, because I don’t think there’s been a single minute when my thoughts haven’t found their way back to you.’
He was laying out his feelings, allowing himself to be vulnerable before me, without even looking for the safety net that would tell him I felt the same. It was bold and it was brave of him, and for that he deserved my honesty.
‘Ditto,’ I admitted. The guard I normally kept raised had dropped so easily I was quite shocked by my reply.
Several more minutes were lost as our mouths found each other again, our lips and tongues speaking a language that needed no translation.
‘This is crazy,’ I said at last, finally finding the self-control to push him gently away from me.
‘Crazy good, or crazy bad?’
I leant forward, allowing my forehead to rest on his chest, where I could feel the increased tempo of his heart pounding against me. ‘Both,’ I said softly. He must have heard the regret in my reply. It prepared him for the words that I didn’t want to say but knew that I must.
‘We can’t let this happen, Nick.’
‘We can’t let this not,’ he countered.
I smiled sadly, because it wasn’t as simple as what he wanted or what I wanted. We weren’t the lead characters in this story of ours and it was only tonight that I finally appreciated that.
‘I’ll be going back to New York in about a month,’ I said. It wasn’t the true reason why I was applying the brakes even before we’d started, and I think he understood that.
‘That’s not insurmountable, Lexi, you know that.’
‘No. Maybe not. But it’s not ideal. Your life is here right now and mine is over three thousand miles away.’
‘People do long distance. They make it work.’
I shook my head sadly. ‘You’ve got ties here that I’d never ask or expect you to sever.’ We both knew I wasn’t talking about his job or the practice.
Nick’s voice was suddenly several degrees sadder. ‘It’s true, I could happily live or work anywhere, but I could never leave Holly.’
‘And I’d never ask you to,’ I said fervently, reaching for his hands and gripping them tightly. ‘I know what growing up without a dad feels like, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone… especially not Holly.’ I smiled gently. ‘I don’t have much experience with kids, but I’m kind of smitten with yours.’
‘The feeling’s mutual. Holly talks about you a lot. When she likes someone, she doesn’t hold back.’ My breathing was perfectly alright until he added softly: ‘Neither do I.’
My heart gave a leap as he looked down at me with eyes that were full of what he was about to say next. I shook my head fiercely, stopping him.Don’t put it into words that I’ll never be able to unhear, I silently implored him. Nick was surprisingly good at reading me, for after the longest moment he slowly nodded.
