James’s bottom lip began to quiver.
“I can’t,” he said.
Cassian shook his head in bewilderment, his blood running cold.
“What are you talking about? What do you mean you can’t?”
“All of the stewards here, we received instructions from the officers to keep order, to—to calm the passengers, to encourageotherpeople into the boats.”
“So?”
“So I think I’m meant to remain here, Cassian. I’m meant to help. I’m a member of the crew, for God’s sake, not a passenger.”
“Fine, you may help for alittle while, but more and more of those boats will leave, and before we lose our chance, youmustboard one. With me.”
And Cassian would see to it that he and James boarded one sooner rather than later, if he could help it.
“Cassian...” James looked at his shoes. “I haven’t forgotten our conversation in the Shampooing Room. I know you mustn’t have, either. You shouldn’t wait for me. Really. You have a whole life waiting for you in New York.”
“Oh, James, no. Of course I should wait for you. Of course Iwillwait for you.” Cassian took hold of both of James’s biceps and squeezed. “I’ve realized something. I’ve realized that I want to spend my life with you.Onlyyou.”
James pressed his lips together, as though he was holding back a sudden burst of emotion, and then those gorgeous blue eyes of his filled with tears.
“Do you mean it?” he asked in a hushed and hoarse tone.
Cassian smiled, his own eyes now welling with tears, too.
“Only and always.”
James covered his mouth with his hand and only barely stifled a sob. Cassian began to rub the man’s biceps as though attempting to warm him. It was the most affection that he could stand to provide in a public setting such as this one, even on a sinking ship, though he wished so fervently that he could kiss James then and there.
Finally, James removed his hand, and Cassian’s chest filled with the most wonderful warmth the moment he saw the beautiful smile on James’s face.
“Alright, yes, I’ll—I’ll board a boat with you,” he said. “Whenever we can get one. Exactly, precisely the minute we can get one.”
Cassian let out a long breath.
Thank God.
Just then, an officer began to speak.
“Attention, everyone!” he exclaimed, stepping forward and holding up his hands to capture everyone’s attention. “We are about to begin boarding the lifeboats.”
Cassian wilted in relief. James did, too. He leaned forward, kissing his forehead to Cassian’s, and for that brief moment, Cassian had the fleeting thought that everything would be all right.
But then the officer continued on, shouting, “Women and children only.”
Chapter Twenty-One
James
April 15, 1912
12:34 a.m.
“Women and children only?” James repeated. He swallowed hard, straightening his posture, though the moment his and Cassian’s foreheads were no longer touching, his very soul began to ache for that close contact. “Cassian, what are we to do?”
Cassian muttered a harsh curse word to himself.
