“Can you float?” Cassian asked.
“I can,” James said slowly. “I think.”
“Alright, then, come over here.”
James looked hesitant as he waded into the water. He walked in up to his neck. Cassian came next to him on the stairs and then moved behind him.
“Lie back,” he instructed.
Letting out a petulant-sounding sigh, James leaned back and then kicked his feet up so that he could float. Immediately, he began to sink—his rear end was much too low and not yet level with the rest of his body—but Cassian coaxed James’s head onto his shoulder and pushed James’s butt up with his knee. James laughed a little but complied. Soon enough, he was floating properly in a starfish sort of position, his head still perched on Cassian’s shoulder.
“How’s my form?” James asked.
“Perfectly middling,” Cassian replied with a playful hum.
James only chuckled in response. Cassian stretched out his arms, and he found James’s hands so that he could better anchor the two of them together. As soon as their hands connected, little ripples of contentment and fondness overtook him, moving over his body like waves. He pressed his cheek to James’s temple.
“Thank you for this,” James said sweetly.
Cassian’s stomach swooped as James’s lovely words and even lovelier voice reached his ears. What a strange thing that feeling was. It was a sensation that he’d scarcely ever felt before. In fact, he’donlyever felt it when he was with James. And it wasn’t like the flashes of heat and want that he’d felt when thinking about other men in the past, either. Or even like the sensations he’d felt when interacting with a beautiful woman. Or, hell, like the sensations he’d felt when bedding one.
No, this was wholly unlike those. It was... heavier. Or lighter. Heavier and lighter, both. Cassian shut his eyes so that he could savor the sensation, in all its rarity and strangeness.
After a while, Cassian felt ready and eager for more conversation with his friend.
“When was the last time you tried to swim?” he asked. “I enjoyed hearing those stories you had about the river in London. I remember you said that you were with friends?”
There was a small pause.
“Actually, I, uhm, I lied a little last time,” James finally replied. “I swam with... George.”
Cassian lifted an eyebrow. “Who’s George?”
“He’s... the one I was in love with,” James said.
Cassian’s breath caught as his heart slammed into his rib cage. Struck with a strong sense of possessiveness, he interlaced their fingers together and squeezed.
“You loved a man,” Cassian said.
“Yes,” James replied, his voice noticeably smaller. “I should have said something, maybe. Not when we were here in the swimming bath, but when we were in the lounge. I was worried, though, that you might report me to the White Star Line or the police or...” He shut his eyes. “Anyway, I probably should have been more forthcoming with you before.”
Cassian’s breathing became uneven, those earlier ripples of fondness transforming into other, more sinister things. Jealousy and resentment and bitterness. He tried to speak, but his words caught in his throat, and he forced a couple of breaths in hopes that he could somehow calm the storm now brewing inside him.
“Cassian?” James said, turning his head slightly to catch Cassian’s eye.
Cassian’s face caught fire as shame settled over him.
How incredibly unnerving it was to have reacted like that to James’s confession. Why had he? Cassian himself found men intriguing sexually, so the idea that James had once had a presumably physical relationship with one shouldn’t have bothered him. Moreover, Cassian still found the idea of romantic love to be too fantastical to exist as it was often portrayed in fiction. So then, why had he felt such a strong sense of... God, he’d felt a sense ofrevulsionover hearing that other man’s name. He’d been shocked, too, to learn that James had experienced some... fairy-tale, storybook romance with aman.
“Do you think less of me now?” James asked.
Although his voice was still light and somewhat happy, it was colored with the faintest hint of concern as well, and that whisper of worry helped Cassian push past his lingering, confusing upset.
“Not even a little,” Cassian said, pressing his cheek to James’s head.
Some time passed, and with each rolling wave of the pool’s saltwater, more and more of Cassian’s befuddling hurt washed away, enabling him to return to a blissful state of contentment like before, though there was still one thing he needed to know.
“Do you still love him?” he asked.
