“I know,” James said through another exhale. “I’m sorry, Cassian.”
“Why are you having such trouble?” Cassian asked. “It seems as though you know the basics.”
“I’m not sure,” James said. “I learned by watching other people. And I think I’m moving my limbs the same way that they do, for the most part.”
“I think so, too.” Cassian knitted his brows together as he thought back on his own experiences with learning to swim. “You know, I had similar problems as a boy. Show me how you hold your hands.”
“What do you mean?” James asked. He began moving his arms in a semicircular crawling motion. “I move like this.”
Cassian watched for a few seconds. He ordered James to stop once he realized what might have been James’s biggest error. Then,Cassian climbed up the steps to where James was sitting and moved next to him.
“Next time, keep your fingers together, but keep them slightly separated, as well,” he said.
“Together, but not. Yes, that makes perfect sense, Cassian, thank you,” James retorted.
Cassian rolled his eyes. “Your hands are too tense. Actually,everythingis probably too tense, but we’ll keep the focus on your hands for now.”
“Well, I’m meant to make little cups with them, aren’t I?”
“Yes and no. Logically, that makes sense, but I’ve found that keeping my hands more relaxed, letting my fingers separate a little, helps propel me forward.”
James lifted one of his hands, positioning his fingers like Cassian had suggested.
“Like this?”
Cassian inspected them. “Precisely.”
James lowered his hand and let out a long breath.
“I’ll have to experiment with that sometime. In the future.”
“Not now?”
“I...” James’s brows pinched, the look in his eyes becoming more than a little pleading. “Cassian, I think I need a break.”
Cassian’s face fell. “Oh.”
“I’m sorry.” James lowered his head. “I really wanted us to have fun. I wantedyouto have fun. When I remembered what you said about wanting the two of us to swim together, I thought that maybe...” He trailed off and slumped lower. “But it seems as though I had forgotten how exhausting swimming—or, flopping—is for me.”
Sympathy clutched at Cassian’s heart. Scooting closer, he lifted his hand to James’s face before he could think better of it.
“I promise, I’m still having fun,” he said, caressing James’s pinchable cheek.
After a moment, James lifted his eyes. He smiled a little.
Reluctantly and regretfully, Cassian pulled back his hand. Oh, God, how fervently he wished that he could keep touching James’s cheeks. Instead, he started back into the water.
“I’ll swim for a little while,” he said before pushing himself forward. “You can enjoy the sight.”
James chuckled from behind him.
For the next fifteen or twenty minutes, Cassian practiced various swim strokes, all the while hoping that James reallywasenjoying the show. At least a little. Because Cassian was certainly enjoying himself. He liked showing off, especially now, especially for James.
Swimming laps in the pool, Cassian let his mind wander, thinking back on everything that had happened that day. Despite the unpleasantness of the events that had unfolded starting at breakfast, it seemed as though things had finally calmed since the potato room. His and James’s mutual honesty in the food storage area had softened some of Cassian’s lingering unease when it came to James. Everything seemed so much simpler now that they had spoken of this fierce and fierysomethingbetween them, especially because Cassian had been able to remind James of his obligations to Ethel.
So, now, even though their friendship continued to be a peculiar one, Cassian could take heart that it was, in fact, only friendship. Friendship with more... physical longing, maybe—Cassian still found James intensely exciting in that regard; he’d have brought the man to his stateroom had it not been for his engagement to Ethel—but still friendship nonetheless.
Cassian’s mind was still adrift in these thoughts when he floated over to the stairs one last time. James was watching him intently, looking as impressed and content as ever.
