“I should go,” he said. “I promised James that I’d meet him in the stateroom once he finished helpingCarpathia’s crew.”
John nodded.
“Take care, Cassian,” he said.
“You as well,” Cassian said. “I hope Helena comes to her senses.”
“Me too.”
Despondent, Cassian continued inside and walked to the stateroom, keeping his head low as his mind continued to circle around his and Ethel’s future struggles. Before entering the stateroom, Cassian took a pause and shut his eyes, forcing the worries from his head so that he could be fully present with James.
Once inside, Cassian found James sitting on the edge of the bed, frowning at something he had in his hands. Crooking an eyebrow, Cassian walked over and sat next to him. James was looking at his wallet.
“Something the matter?” Cassian asked.
“Just feeling sorry for myself, I suppose,” James replied. He opened the wallet and pulled something out. It was a photograph. “I know it probably seems silly, but this was my most treasured possession.” He handed the photograph to Cassian. “It’s my favorite photograph of George. I have others that are still back with Maggie in London. Even one of me and George together. But this one was my favorite.”
Cassian studied the photograph. It was a portrait. But the image was ruined now, the picture faded and blurred. Aside from the problems with the color, there were lots of little scratches skirting across the surface now, as well, possibly because of the saltwater crystals. Heaviness settled in Cassian’s chest.
“He looks so much like himself there, personality-wise,” James said. He pointed to George’s faded face. “He’s smirking a bit. Not that you can tell very well thanks to the saltwater. But that was George. Always smiling. Always laughing. He and I were alike in that respect. Neither of us liked being serious for too long. He was much cheekier than I was, though. I was more of a rule follower. And more... well, submissive. In lots of respects.” He pausedand smiled wryly at Cassian. “Still am, as you know.” His eyes went back to the photo. “George, though, he liked to be in charge. He liked to cause trouble as well. And, oh, Ilovedhow perfect this photograph was. Because itreallylooked like he was up to something.” He laughed a bit. “Dammit, it was so perfect.”
Immediately after James stopped talking, his small smile fell away. He continued to stare at the photograph for a while. Sorrow coiled in Cassian’s stomach as he, too, looked at the photograph and thought about how much it meant to poor James.
Cassian wished that he could fix it somehow. Contrary to what Cassian would have expected, learning that this particular photograph was James’s most prized possession wasn’t all that upsetting to him. He could now imagine how painful it must have been for James to have lost someone he loved. Because for that brief bit of time in the water, Cassian had believed thathe’dlost someone he loved, too.
Had Cassian lost James but been forced to keep on living, he knew that he would have loved to have a photograph of James to help him remember the man’s pinchable cheeks. Just as James had become Cassian’s most treasured possession now, a photograph of James would have been that for him, too, had he lost James that night in the Atlantic. And so, Cassian could only feel sorry for James about George’s photograph now, rather than possessive.
“I’m so sorry, James,” Cassian said, making his voice as warm as he could. He handed the photograph back to his lovely steward. “I hope you won’t ever let yourself forget his smile, even without the help of the photograph.”
“Thank you, Cassian,” James said softly as he returned the photograph to his wallet. “That’s sweet of you to say.”
“I mean it,” Cassian said, cupping James’s chin. He urged James to meet his eyes and then pressed a soft kiss to the man’s lips. “And if you ever want to share your stories about him, I can listen.” Hestroked James’s cheek. “I hope that I can be your lifeboat in all ways, James. Not only for what we’ve endured together here.”
James leaned forward and caught Cassian’s mouth in a heated kiss, burning with a level of passion that stirred a fierce fondness in Cassian’s chest. Followed by a pang of regret.
Cassian could scarcely believe that he’d been so foolish back on theTitanic, thinking that he could have ever spent his life with someone else, thereby forcing himself to be without James so often and for so long while James continued to work for the White Star Line. Worse, though, Cassian would have been forcing James to suffer through watchinghimbe with someone else—some poor woman who wouldn’t have known that her sole purpose had been to help Cassian uphold his reputation and skirt suspicion over his friendship with James Morrow. Cassian knew now, though, and with absolute certainty, that he only ever wanted to be with James. And that he only ever wanted James to be with him, too.
He wanted them to be each other’s lifeboats.
He wanted them to be each other’s everything.
Forever and always.
Enlivened with a passion of his own from these thoughts, Cassian pulled James onto his lap, coaxing the man to straddle him. Over the next little while, the two continued to kiss, and then, they removed each other’s clothing before finally falling backward onto the mattress. After some more kissing, James retrieved a little container of petroleum jelly that he’d procured from one ofCarpathia’s medical staff, and then Cassian had fun exploring James with his fingers and preparing him for what was to come.
Later, after bringing James close to the edge several times before cruelly-but-lovingly withholding the last bit of pleasure to ensure James’s orgasm, Cassian coated his own length with the lubricant and began to fuck the man he loved. Slowly. Sensually. Passionately. All while looking intohis perfect steward’s eyes.
And Cassian continued to reassure James of his love. And when James finally came, Cassian slowed his thrusts and caressed James’s cheek with his thumb, promising him forever and only and always. And then he brought himself to orgasm, fucking James hard and fast, while James promised him the same.
Collapsing onto the bed beside James, Cassian could only think of how wonderful everything was. And of how he’d have marred his reputation a thousand times over if it meant that they could be together like this for the rest of their lives.
Sweaty, love drunk, and spent, the two faced each other and shared another kiss. With a contented sigh, Cassian pulled back, and James leaned forward to nuzzle his nose.
“Do you really believe this can be forever?” James asked.
“It will be,” Cassian said. “Because I refuse to tolerate even one second less.”
“And, of course, Cassian Penn Livingstonalwaysgets what he wants,” James teased.
