Cassian smiled a bit. “It is.”
“Am I still welcome to spend the night with you? I promise I’ll find more suitable lodging by morning. I know you want to have your house to yourself with James, and I hate the thought of inconveniencing you.”
“You’ve lived with me for years, John. Of course you can spend the night. I hadn’t expected you to find somewhere else to live yet while we were still here at sea.”
“But everyone else has been sent away, have they not? You asked them to visit their families for the summer,” John countered.
“Yes, that’s true. But none of those people survived a shipwreck with me,” Cassian remarked. “None of them have proven to be supportive of my relationship with James, either. Most importantly, none of those people are my friends, lovely though they may be.”
John’s face reddened a little.
“I’m warmed by your kindness, sir,” he said. “Are you certain that Mr. Morrow won’t mind my presence at your home either?”
“Jameswill not. I promise you.”
“Apologies. I still sometimes feel as though I should be more formal with you. Keep everything professional, just like I was instructed to do when I began working for families like yours.” John chuckled lightly. “I still call Ethel ‘Miss Barrington’ sometimes. Or even only ‘miss’ on occasion, though Ethel says she likes that. She called me cute for it.”
“Yes, it is rather cute,” Cassian said. John’s smile faltered the tiniest bit, and Cassian rolled his eyes. “Don’t worry. I mean that in an entirely platonic way. James is the only man I want. He’s my only and always, as we like to promise each other.”
“Only and always,” John repeated, now smiling again. “I like that.”
“It’s our promise, and you cannot have it,” Cassian countered playfully. John held up his hands in mock surrender, blush still clinging to his cheeks. Cassian chuckled and let out a sigh. “Only and always. It’s a necessary thing. But it complicates matters for me.”
“How so?”
“I’m worried about how it’ll look if I never marry,” Cassian said. “It’s not exactly modest of me to say this, but I’m a handsome man. And, obviously, I have plenty of money. People will talk, as Ethel pointed out before, if I never find a wife. Probably they’ll talk even more when or if they see me with James so often, visiting his future home, wherever it is. Heaven forbid people somehow find out that I’ll likely be footing the bill for the place, too. Not that James couldn’t work and pay for the lodging himself. He’d probably like to. Selfishly, though, I’d prefer him to be on my schedule. Available whenever I wish for him to be.”
“Can he be your valet, maybe?” John suggested. “I hope I’m not overstepping in making that suggestion.”
“I’ve thought about that, but people might wonder why he wouldn’t be living with me. And if hewasto live with me... well, not to be crass, but I think people might notice that we’d constantly be in each other’s rooms.”
John laughed. “Oh my, yes, I can see how that might be a problem.”
Cassian laughed, too.
“Ah, well, James and I will think of something, I’m sure,” he said. “I have a potential idea in my head, but I have yet to share it with him.”
“I’ll let you know if I think of a solution as well,” John said. “You’ve been so good to me. I’d love to help you if possible.”
“Thank you, John.” Cassian clapped him on the shoulder and squeezed. “You’ve been good to me, too. Best valet I’ve ever had, bar none.”
John’s shy smile broadened, but then it faltered a little.
“I only wish that Ethel’s mother could see the value in my profession,” he said.
“Is she still unhappy about your relationship with Ethel?”
“Unfortunately,” John said with a sigh. “She’s mostly worried about Ethel’s reputation, I think. Or, well, I suppose her own reputation as well, since it’ll beherchild who will have broken off her engagement with Cassian Penn Livingston.”
Cassian cringed. He hated how the brunt of society’s ire would fall on Ethel. How impossibly unfair it was.
“I wish I knew what to say, John. Neither of you ought to be subjected to such hostility, not from Helena Barrington or from other people in mine and Ethel’s circle.”
Looking at his shoes, John swept one foot across the floor in front of him and shrugged. Remorse curdled in Cassian’s stomach, even though none of this was really his fault. Neither was it abadthing in and of itself. Cassian proposing to Ethel had led to them both finding love, even if not with each other. Ethel and John were happy together. And Cassian and James were happy together. Both were such wonderful, wonderful things.
What a Goddamned pity it was that their society wouldn’t see it that way.
Cassian squeezed John’s shoulder one more time before turning to leave.
