“Yes to everything. All of it.”
James’s smile broadened, and he shifted so that Cassian could walk around him into the stateroom. James then moved to shut the door.
“Are you feeling any better?” Cassian asked.
“Mm-hmm,” James said as he clicked the lock.
But then James turned to face him. And Cassian was confronted with the truth. Even though James was still smiling a little, his bottom lip was wobbling, betraying him.
Sympathy unfurled in Cassian’s chest, making his heart feel heavy even while it fluttered with love. Oh, it was so very sweet of James to be putting on a brave face like this, likely to spare Cassian from the obligation of comforting him.
But Cassian refused to let James face this alone.
Immediately, Cassian pulled James in for a fierce hug. And he prayed that he could somehow provide his perfect steward with enough love and comfort to heal him. James stilled for a moment, but then melted into Cassian’s embrace, burying his head in thecrook of Cassian’s neck. Cassian ran a hand through James’s hair.
“Did the physician help you at all?” Cassian asked.
“He did,” James confirmed in a soft voice, as though maybe he was fighting to hold himself together. “He had me take some kind of restorative. I’m not sure what was in it. But I feel a little steadier now. Foggier, too, unfortunately, but a little less... present. Less painfully present. If that makes sense.”
Cassian embraced him even tighter. He wanted James to know that he was free to fall apart if he needed. Because if James couldn’t hold himself together, then Cassian would.
“Oh, my James, I missed this,” Cassian murmured. “I’m so sorry for what we had to endure. I can only imagine how much you’re hurting, my sensitive writer.”
James pulled Cassian closer and let out a shuddered breath.
“Did you find Miss Barrington?” James asked. “Sorry—Ethel. Did you find Ethel? Or John? Or Jacob? Oh, God,pleasetell me you found Jacob.”
“I...” Cassian’s voice caught. Damn, how he hated this. He hated to hurt James. But he wouldn’t lie. “I found Ethel and John, yes. Both of them seem to be recovering well. But... Jacob...” Cassian swallowed thickly. “He didn’t make it.”
“But I was right next to him on the ship before we were thrown overboard,” James reasoned. “We were in the water together. We must have been. Are youcertainthat he’s not here onCarpathia?”
“I’m certain,” Cassian said. “I... saw him die, James.”
James sucked in a sharp breath.
“Oh, Cassian, how horrible,” he said. “His wife. His poor wife.”
Cassian hugged James tighter. James hugged him tighter, too. Over the next little while, neither of them spoke.
Finally, James said, “Thank you for being honest with me. I know how fragile I must seem right now. Especially after the shaking incident.”
“You are not fragile. You’ve never seemed fragile. Not even a little.”
James sniffled. Pushing his fingers through James’s hair, Cassian began to whisper more reassurances to his lovely steward. Hereminded James that they were both safe now and commended him for how strong he had been throughout the sinking and still very much was, no matter what that shaking had been before. James peppered a path of kisses up Cassian’s neck and then captured Cassian’s mouth with his.
Cassian caressed the man’s cheeks with his thumbs, catching tears with each of his strokes as their lips moved together. Soon, James began to sob in earnest, and Cassian stopped kissing him. He took James’s hand and led him over to the bed.
“Come lie with me,” Cassian said, his voice the perfect mixture of commanding and sweet that he’d intended.
Thank God he was feeling more like himself now.
Without hesitation, James climbed up onto the bed. Cassian then took a minute or so to remove most of his clothing and slip on the extra pair of pants and shirt that had been offered for him to borrow. When he was dressed, he settled on the mattress facing James, who was still sobbing softly. He began to stroke the man’s beautiful cheeks some more, shushing him.
“I can still hear the screaming,” James said after a while more.
Cassian shut his eyes, pain twisting in his stomach. “I can, too.”
James cried for a little while longer. Cassian continued to soothe him to the best of his abilities, though he barely had a reference for this sort of thing. He only recalled having been comforted in a similar manner a couple of times as a young child. Still, he hoped that James found it sufficient enough. Cassian certainly liked being cuddled close like this. He liked being so soft with James, too. Massaging his cheeks. Stroking his hair. Reminding him of how much they’d overcome together and how adored he was.
