“Quick?” Cassian asked, and Ethel nodded. “Yes. Instant.”
Ethel’s eyes fell to the floor. “It’s still so horrible. Poor Ingrid.”
Cassian’s stomach continued to roil. Itwashorrible. Jesus God, it was more than horrible. All of this was.
“Do you think it would help her to know that Jacob did not suffer?” he asked.
“Yes, I think so,” Ethel said. “I can only imagine how it must have been for her, hearing those screams and thinking that one of those people was her husband.”
“I’ll make sure she knows that he was not among them,” Cassian promised.
Ethel bowed her head solemnly. “Thank you. We’ve been so exceedingly fortunate while so many others...”
She trailed off, her voice breaking at the last word. Just then, someone—a member ofCarpathia’s crew, maybe—came up to the three of them.
“Pardon me, but is one of you Mr. Cassian Penn Livingston?”
Cassian suddenly remembered that he’d seen the fellow in the saloon, only his brain still seemed not to be working well enough for him to have recognized the man immediately. Fear shot through his veins, so sharp and cold he thought he might faint.
“Cassian?” John said.
Cassian shook his head.
“Yes, sorry,” Cassian spluttered. “I’m Mr. Livingston.”
Good God, was something the matter with James? Cassian nearly asked after his lover but forced himself to hold his tongue, still so worried about what people might think, especially those who had seen how familiar he and James had been on both lifeboats and then, later, in the Smoking Room here onCarpathia.
“Mr. Morrow asked for you,” the man replied. “One of our physicians finished checking him over. Mr. Morrow asked me to let you know that he’s in fine condition but has been offered a stateroom where he can rest. He said that you might still be interested in seeing him, though.”
Cassian counted to three inside his head before responding, careful not to look too eager, though he felt so Goddamned relieved that he thought he might burst.
“Yes, I would be,” he said in the most neutral tone he could muster. Hooking his hands behind his back, he looked over at Ethel and John. “It looks like I’ll be spending the next little while keeping Mr. Morrow company. You’re both welcome to come see our friend, too, of course, if you’re interested.”
Not that he wanted them to, but he had to offer. Hopefully Ethel would be perceptive enough to see that it wasn’t genuine.
Ethel smiled warmly. “No, I think that John and I will stay out here for now. Thank you, though.”
Thank God.
Cassian forced a small smile and bowed his head.
“Take care, then. I’ll meet up with you two later,” he said.
And then Cassian took leave of his friends and followedCarpathia’s crew member to wherever James was resting.
***
April 15, 1912
10:01 a.m.
Cassian was led to a stateroom by the crew member, who left as Cassian began to knock. James came to the door wearing a new outfit—pants and a button-up shirt that he must have borrowed from one ofCarpathia’s passengers, maybe whoever had beenstaying in the stateroom before offering it to him. Neither fit perfectly, but they seemed like a close enough size overall. James’s face looked exhausted and weary, but he still smiled a little the moment he and Cassian locked eyes.
“Do you want to come in?” James asked. “One of the passengers here offered me his cabin and his clothes. I have something for you to change into as well, if you wanted. I asked him first. He said that you can stay here. With me, I mean. For the rest of our voyage.”
“Oh, God, yes,” Cassian said through a relieved exhale.
“Yes to which?” James asked, a small, playful smile on his lips.
