“Yeah. I’ve well and truly fucked it all up now.”
“Why do you say that?” Asher asks, his eyebrows pinching together as he asks and takes a sip of his beer.
“She’s scared of me now. She literally left as we were on the phone. Just…up and left.”
“I think you both are not seeing things clearly,” Asher says, rubbing his forehead as his eyebrows pinch together. “You’re looking at this whole thing as something you’ve done–gladly–for her. You’re trying to be a fucking martyr and protect her from this hypothetical Hulk-like Ty. A version of you that I’ve never seen, by the way.”
“But how can I–”
“Goddamn it, Ty.” Asher sets the can down a little harsher than necessary. “Why can’t you trust yourself the way we trust you?” He’s so frustrated, so annoyed. This isn’t just a moment either, the way his jaw is set to the side and his eyes harden, this is a deep seated annoyance. He’s felt this way for a while.
Why hasn’t he said anything?
“What if I hurt her?”
Asher sighs gently, his attitude changing when he sees the absolute fear on my face.
“Ty, my brother,” he says gently with a shrug. “You’re hurting her now. Not physically. Not mentally. But emotionally. She’s waiting for you.”
“The hell she is. She has a new suitor every other day. Don’t you remember the guys that she makes out with right in front of me at the shop? You think that was, thatis, easy for me? It’s…”Torture. It’s worse than being forced to watch the light fade from someone’s eyes. It’s been like my entire reason for existence, turning its back on me. Actively rejecting me.
“I know.” Asher nods, looking off into the distance as if he’s remembering some of the more showy times Roxie’s paraded a fuck toy past me. “I can only imagine. But, you can’t blame her.”
“Of course I don’t fucking blame her,hermano.”I chug the rest of my beer and crush the can. “This whole thing is my fault and I’d accepted that this was my fate. But now that I told her?” I run a hand through my hair again, wanting to pull out the ends. My voice drops. “I thought that…when I told her, if I could tell her, that we would be together. I always wanted us to be together. I’ve always wanted her. Us, together. But even if she wasn’t mine, I have always been and always will be hers.”
“Well,” Asher smiles slowly, crossing his arms over his chest. “What are you going to do about it? You want her? Then go fucking get her, man. Shelovesyou. She’s crying in my wife’s arms because she feels like you could never not resent her for all you’ve done.”
My eyebrows shoot up and my stomach drops. “What?”
Asher smirks, and nods slowly. “Mmhmm.”
“No, no… I’d never…” I look down, trying to think through how she’d ever think I’d resent her.
“Do you resent her for what she did with Mickey to keep us safe?”
“Fuck, no.”
“Then I think you need to go talk to her, explain your side and explain, painfully clearly, that you don’t and won’t ever resent her. Then get your girl back and stop this will-they-won’t they drama. You two have been meant for each other since we were in high school, Ty. You wear that leather on your wrist like a wedding ring and we all know it. Make her know it too.”
CHAPTER 44
“How couldhe do that for me? Eight years, Jade? Eightyears?” I ask desperately through sobs.
Jade’s holding me close to her chest, letting me ruin her shirt with my tears. At least it’s soft against my face as the day-old mascara leaves streaks on her light shirt and down my cheeks. The Chinese food she ordered on her way here sits untouched on the table, and I’m so out of it, I can’t even smell it. I just… I’m devastated.
“He literally killed for me,” I cry, “And he kept it all inside.”
I feel her take a deep breath and sigh.
“He did.”
Wait a damn minute.
“You don’t seem surprised.”
“No, I don’t think I am. And it’s crazy to me that you’re so surprised. Anyone with eyes can see how that man wouldprotect you until the last breath in his body. And even then he’d probably somehow situate it so you’re still protected in the event of his death.” Jade brushes a dark lock of hair from my face and hugs me tighter. “You want to tell me why you’re actually this upset?”
Damn her.
