“No,” I say, firmer than I mean to. My voice cracks. “No, Jace. I didn’t go then for the same reason I came back home. I want so much more for you than I’ll ever be able to give.”
“All I’ve ever wanted is you,” she admits, tears welling in her eyes. “All of you, even the pieces you think are too broken for anyone to hold.”
Jace cups my face, her honey eyes pools of fathomless longing, the same longing smoldering inside of me like still-glowing coals of a fire someone forgot to put out. I lean in, pressing my lips to hers. Her mouth parts, her tongue searching for mine. Our hands explore each other’s bodies, just like we did that first time. I peel my flannel from her shoulders, revealing her bare body—the swell of her breasts, her beaded nipples, the outline of her muscles leading to the apex of her thighs.
I put my mouth over her nipple, sucking the hardened bud between my lips. I kneed the other with my hand, rubbing my thumb over the sensitive rosy circle. She moans in my ear, reaching for my cock. It’s already rising, but it hardens instantly in her grip. Jace uses slow strokes at first, building up to match the rhythm of my tongue on her breast. Our hands move to tear away the rest of our clothes, and we fall into the snow in a tangle of limbs.
“Are you cold?” I ask, rolling on top of her. Her hair fans out across the snow like a teal crown. She wraps her arms around my neck, pulling me closer.
“No,” she whispers, almost surprised. Her tongue flicks my earlobe before she nibbles it gently. “I suppose it’s because I have you to warm me up.”
Her back arches, her hips meeting mine. I line myself up with her entrance, swirling the tip through her wetness before guiding me inside her. She rolls her hips, her inner walls gripping me, pulling me in. Jace’s nails dig into my back, clawingmy arms as I thrust into her. Her body melts into mine, our moans blending into one.
The trees around us disappear, the lake, the stars, the snow, until it’s only me and her. The way it should have always been.
My muscles tense. The pressure building inside me breaks free, pleasure radiating through my body. Jace wraps her shaking legs around me, crying out my name as I spill inside her. Her inner walls tremble, her release mixing with mine. I wrap my hand around the side of her neck, running my thumb along her jawline as Jace’s eyes soften, staring at me with pure bliss. A lump lodges in my throat, and I kiss her before tears can form in my eyes.
I curl up beside her, holding her back to my front. We lay there until the moon rises high in the sky, its yellow glow illuminating the open expanse of snow. Jace sits up, wrapping my flannel back around her before she stares at me expectantly. “So, is this what you wanted to show me?”
“No.” I take her hand, standing to lead her back into the woods. “It’s this way.”
30
JACE
Atingle races down my spine, like a jolt of electricity. Though I’m not sure where we’re headed, something about this route feels familiar. The tension in my body winds tighter the further into the woods we walk. My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. “Cyrus, are we heading back to your house?”
“No, but where we’re going is in the same direction.” His voice is soft with a distinct sadness to it. “We’re almost there.”
Footprints appear in the snow, zigzagging across the path, like someone was running. I follow them with my gaze, mentally mapping the way they ran until they cut off into the trees. Cyrus stops suddenly, and I run into him. He turns to me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His hazel eyes are misty, the rest of his expression pure grief.
“Jace.” He chokes on my name, looking away while he regains his composure. “Jace, before we go over there, I need you to know I’m so sorry.”
“What? What is it?” I ask, my face twisting in confusion.
He clasps my hand, leading me off the worn path into the trees where the footprints end. From behind a massive tree trunk, teal hair spills across the snow. My ears ring, the woods spinning around me as I take another step forward. A body liesmotionless on the ground, covered only with remnants of its torn clothes, a light layer of frost covering its bluish skin. Honey brown eyes stare unblinkingly into the distance—my eyes.
A guttural scream ruptures from my throat, making me double over, and Cyrus holds my sides to keep me from falling as my knees buckle.
“I don’t understand,” I sob between bouts of dry heaving. “How am I here? What’s happening to me?”
Cyrus swallows, forcing back tears. He guides me to the ground before curling me onto his lap. “I’m…I’m so sorry. I went to look for you as soon as I realized you were gone, but by the time I found you, it was too late—I was too late.”
“Am I…dead?” The notion seeps into my reality, reframing everything that’s happened since this morning. My body shakes uncontrollably, a heap of bones rattling in Cyrus’ arms. “We’re both…”
Words fail me. My vision tunnels until I can barely see. I try to take deep breaths, but my lungs fill with nothing. Cyrus strokes my hair in slow, gentle motions, and I try to concentrate on the pressure of his touch and the tingling sensation spreading over my scalp.
“Is this what everything feels like for you? Static?” I whisper, my voice as hollow as I feel.
“Mostly,” Cyrus confirms, releasing a long exhale. “I don’t feel hot or cold. I can’t smell anything. Everything feels like pressure or static electricity zipping through me—except you. But maybe the memory of your body, the way it feels when we’re together, is so engrained in me, it’s impossible not to feel it.”
“You’ve gotten considerably more romantic since you’ve been dead,” I chuckle darkly, looking up at him. He furrows his brow, frowning, but there’s a twitch at the corner of mouth, like he’s holding back a laugh.
“I certainly had a lot of alone time to think about it.” he says, running a thumb across my cheek.
My thoughts drift, my eyes focusing again on my body. The last thing I remember from last night is closing my eyes. There was no big moment, no pulling back a shimmery veil. Just the darkness, like falling asleep. My heart cracks open, every emotion hitting me at once. My folks, Brig, Roux—I’ll never be able to tell them goodbye. Elias took that from me, just like he did Cyrus.
“Do you think they’ll find me?” My throat tightens. If they don’t find me soon, they won’t until spring, if they ever do at all. A layer of snow already covers my empty body like a blanket, more snowflakes joining by the second.
