I sent her on her way, as I finished up the note. Then head down through the stairwell. I want to check on some things, so I send Topaz a message letting her know that I’ll be an extra minute offering her a warm building instead of a cold, twilight morning.
My phone pings back a message, as she declines. I don’t argue with the woman I offered. I reach for my keycard and my keys to my office. When a freakish sound comes from down the hallway. The nerves in me shake, remembering what happened to Teresa when she was alone, in the foundation, during a rough time of dealing with the Falcons.
If I've learned anything from scary movies is that you don't move towards the sound, but internally I was calling myself a coward. internally I was thinking that Keola may have been right in the sense that I have no idea of how to protect myself no matter how much training ortrainingI'm given. So instead of moving towards the sound I yell, “I swear to the fucking heavens, I will taser your ass!”
I really don’t have a taser but they didn't need to know who the sound or person was. The dark hallways bear no light even coming from emergency signs. Quickly, I go to my classroom to turn on at least a light to illuminate the hallway.
Whether it’s my imagination or just a rat I didn't know if I felt really safe. Honestly the little girl that feared her father comes back again. She fears that she will never be safe no matter how many promises are made. She fears judgment or truth to be shed about who she really is. I want to be the person that Finn and Keola see. That sometimes it's hard when fear is more powerful than courage.
You’ve put on a brave face for a long time.
I don't know where the self-doubting is coming from again. Maybe I need to get back into therapy, knowing that my mind is playing with me, giving me self-doubt and thinking that I'm a coward for running away from the simplest of noises. With enough pep talk I settle my nerves unlocking my office to turn on another light.
Maybe it's true that sometimes the light chases away the dark. In light sometimes you find hope. As I turn on my computer to try to answer some emails, I hear the moving of desks in a far away classroom. Noticing that not enough light is touching the classroom. I think it's more than a rat that's rumbling through the holes.
I searched around for something even sturdier, and found a red vase that was passed down from others that didn't want it in the office and ended up on my desk. The vase has some weight to it and will probably conk somebody on the head. I should message Topaz but also I don't want to alarm her and her having to send up the war sign to the club.
That's just what I don’t need now: a fortress barricading the doors.
I creep through the hallway trying to make my heels not make a sound. I hear the light breathing sounds, confirming the thoughts that this is way past animals entirely.
Deep breaths, one quick knock on the head and you head to Topaz.I give myself a plan of action.
Giving myself a countdown, I thrust the vase into the classroom, swiping on the light. As the vase comes crashing down, it nearly misses the mysterious figure. The person hunches over, throwing their arms over their head, wrapped tightly around them.
It’s not until the hands shake, and a simple, “Please don’t!” that I realize who it is.
“Cedric!” I gasp, my heart racing in my chest from the distress and adrenaline coursing through my body.
My chest he's with finding my breath. I close my eyes pretending that my mind and my eyes didn't see what I'm seeing now. If I hadn't already thrown the vase I would have wanted to throw something else. I approach him as he still cowers onto the ground. I tap my foot waiting for him to straighten up. I have a strange feeling that the club doesn't know that he's gone.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask as I continue to wait for him to stand up, but it seems that he refuses to as I get down on his level his arms start to move behind his neck. I reach for him tilting his chin towards me.
“Buddy you can't be here. Why are you here?” I plead for an answer. Part of me should have seen this coming. He was more than willing to leave and not involve the club anymore or even turn himself in, which would be a death sentence and I wasn't ready to bury him.
His dark brown eyes stare back into me. He's still missing that spark.
“I couldn't do it anymore Lottie. As much trouble as I've put people in it's not fair to keep putting y'all in danger. To put Finn in danger. You've treated me like family over the past years and you can't do what I did to my family,” there was a hint of strength in his voice, his mind settling for what he thought was good. The release of what he thought would make us safe.
“Do I want to know how you got here?” I asked, wrapping my arms around my bent knees. I end up sitting down on the ground crossing my legs in front of me. Cedric does the same bumping up against one of the big tables.
“Technically somebody already unlocked the truck. I was just waiting for the time for someone to actually get in it. I'll admit it wasn’t my smartest idea but it was better than staying like a sitting duck in wolves territory.” he releases a deep side.
“You can't run away from the problems we have to face head on.” I try to comfort him.
“I wasn't trying to involve anybody else in this mess. I've dug my own grave and just waiting for the Undertaker to get me,” and with that the strength disappears almost unto hopelessness.
It sucks when someone gives up hope, but I know Cedric needs to be around more folks that are willing to help him and accept him or at the very least to help him find his own strength again because deep down there is a strength worthy of a warrior like him.
“Can at least ask what you were going to do once you, I don't know, got out of the truck. It's not like the trucks end up going to a new state or something,” I joke.
He shrugs his shoulders, “I don't know but I would have figured something out.”
“Can I admit something to you?” I ask and he nods his head. “You were one of the first people to fully trust me when I first came here. You showed me that I could do great things for students. You didn’t treat me like another worker, you gave me a chance.”
Cedric was the first kid that showed me that some of the kids can do great things with the right leadership. Sometimes I think that Cedric saved me in times of doubt and self-consciousness. There's so much that I want to do for him now but sometimes people have to make their own choices.
“You did alright your first year,” he says without looking at me. I gently pushed his shoulders laughing at him, “Are you kidding me. one of the little kids kept leaving mud in my shoes, it was bad enough that I was potty training Finn at the time.”
