“There’s no pressure, Carter. If you want it, take it. If you don’t, that’s okay. You were a little boy back then with no control. You have full control of this moment, you choose what happens. We are safe with each other. I know you feel that.”
His breaths come out heavy and labored, like he’s running even though he’s sitting perfectly still. I stare into his eyes as hewars with himself in his mind. I’m desperate to show him the safety he has shown me.
He moves his hand to touch mine and quickly jerks it back as if my hand were made of fire. I continue to wait because this needs to be his choice. All of Carter’s choices were taken from him as a boy, and he needs to know he’s in control. If we touch, it will be his doing.
“Little Heathen.” His voice comes out broken and raw. He wants to do this, but like the little boy all those years ago, the fear of the unknown is holding him back.
Again, he tries three more times but keeps yanking his hand away. He inhales sharply and lets out a slow breath, attempting to calm himself.
And then he touches my hand.
My heart pounds in my chest, waiting to see if he spirals because of it, and when he doesn’t, I close my fingers around his hand.
“How does that feel, Carter?”
Staring at our combined hands, his eyes are full of wonder and surprise as his breathing evens out, and he speaks words that make my heart soar.
“It doesn’t hurt. It feels like everything I’ve ever wanted. Because it’s you. Touch hurts. Like burning fire on the skin. The movement of hands rattle me to the core. That has always been my truth. But now-”
He takes in another breath and releases it as his eyes stare into mine, the purest love reflecting in his gaze. It physically hurts.
“Touch heals. Your touch heals.”
I release his hand, and he helps me to my feet. This moment is electric and powerful. After this beautiful moment, we both know—everything changes. Vanishing is despair, and its place is hope.
“You’re not alone, Carter. We love you, and what happened doesn’t need to be your dirty little secret. You did nothing wrong. You were a fucking baby. I think your brothers should know, but it won’t come from me. It’s not my story to tell.”
Placing his hand on my shoulder, Carter gazes at me, his dark eyes tenderly staring into mine.
“You really are fucking perfect.”
Tucking my fallen hair behind my ear, he kisses me softly on the cheek. It’s the little things like this that make me fall harder for him.
A soft smile.
His tender touch.
The grateful look in his eyes.
He is only vulnerable with me, and that means everything.
“Are you ready to go back inside?”
I nod even though my mind is still reeling over what he told me. Carter knows how I have always felt, but I really wish he didn’t. This is the one thing I never wanted us to have in common.
He opens the door to the house and steps inside.
“Come, Little Heathen.”
Those three words cause my insides to clench as he turns toward me with a chuckle.
“Dirty, dirty fucking girl.”
I follow Carter into the bathroom as he cleans his hand.
“We should take you to a hospital and make sure it isn’t broken.”
Patting it with a towel, he glances at me, “It’s not broken.”
