Why this man, of all people, made me feel both strong and utterly vulnerable at the same time was a mystery I didn’t have the energy to solve.
“We’ve owned the farm for generations. Maggie and I inherited it after our parents passed. I thought….” My voice faltered, and I swallowed hard, forcing myself to push through. “I thought it’d be safe. But now, with the taxes coming due….”
I trailed off, my voice trembling despite my best efforts to keep it steady.
I hated how small I felt, hated admitting what I couldn’t bring myself to say out loud. Generations of my family had kept that farm thriving, and now I was going to be the one to lose it.
I’d have to sell it off to someone who’d tear it apart, throw up a bloody twenty-one-hole golf course, and letrich arseholes come there to swing clubs and sip overpriced shite whiskey.
“When are these taxes due?” Jax asked.
I pulled away from him. “Summer,” I whispered. “I’m going to lose it all, aren’t I? The land, and eventually, the pub…everything.”
Jax didn’t say anything for a moment, but I could feel tension rolling off him in waves.
“I get what the problem is. What can we do to fix it?” he asked.
Ronan grinned. “What do you want to do, Yank?”
“Save Ballybeg,” he said artlessly.
“It’s not that simple, Jax,” I protested, but God, I wanted someone to step in and work with me, save the feckin’ village, keep it as it was, while making it economically sustainable.
I might as well want him to bring down the moon and set it at my feet.
“Of course, it’s not. If it were simple, you’d have already taken care of it,” he stated, annoyingly.
“I don’t know what we can do.” Ronan crushed his cigarette against the rubbish bin and threw it in. “I’m gonna head home, Dee. You get some sleep. Tomorrow…well, it’ll be here, and we’ll get with it.”
Get with what?I wanted to ask.
How long would it take for everything to change?
Six months? A year? Two?
At what point would we forget who we are and become someone else?
Ballybeg was a community, not a business—but that’s what Cillian and his lot were going to make it. They were going to take the heart out of my village and put it in a vault of money instead.
Once Ronan left, Jax turned to face me. He looked me in the eyes intently. “Dee, what if I?—”
“No,” I cut him off immediately, turning away from him. “Don’t even finish that sentence.”
“You don’t even know what I was going to say,” he growled.
I gave him a look that could’ve melted steel. “You were going to offer money. Weren’t you?”
He hesitated, then shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal. “I’ve got money. If it’s just the taxes, tell me how much, and I can?—”
“Stop,” I snapped, cutting him off again. “Just stop. I don’t need you—or anyone else—coming in here and playing hero.”
I saw frustration flash in his eyes. “Dee, it’s not about playing hero. It’s about helping someone I care about.”
“You don’t even know me, so why would you care about me?” I threw it at him, rudely, unfairly, and cruelly. I was running, scared, and hurt, and I did what people like me did: I kicked at the innocent.
“Darlin’ Dee—” he began, but I stood up quickly. The bench creaked loudly, silencing him.
The words tumbled out before I could stop them,wild and raw and full of pain. “I don’t need you swooping down to take care of me.”
