It was Amanda’s turn to snort, and she added a half shrug to go with it. “Well, if you won’t talk to me or won’t bother to text, what was I supposed to do?”
“Respect my wishes!” Sawyer looked at her in disbelief. “Understand that I don’t want to talk to you.”
“That doesn’t solve anything, though. Not talking solves nothing.”
“No, not talking keeps you from gaslighting me.”
Amanda gasped. “Gaslighting you?”
“Yes. Making me think all our problems were my fault, that I was responsible for every bad thing that happened in our relationship because I didn’t listen, I misunderstood you, I wanted too much, I was oversensitive, whatever thing you came up with on that day.” Whew. Okay, that was more than she intended to say, and she should probably stop, but she couldn’t. The words kept coming. “I have somebody now, somebody who doesn’t make me feel like that. Somebody who listens to me and asks my opinion and makes me feel like I’m worth something.”
“You have somebody?” Amanda’s voice was quiet, and she looked almost stricken.
Sawyer shook her head with a sigh and muttered, “And that’s what you came away with from everything I just said. Because of course it is.” She should have predicted that. More loudly, she said, “Yes. I have somebody. She’s incredible.”
Amanda’s swallow was audible. This was not the way she thought this conversation would go, that was clear by the bewildered look on her face. She didn’t look sad. She looked puzzled, as if she couldn’t imagine the scenario Sawyer had just laid out for her, and she was mentally working through how to navigate it. Finally, she cleared her throat. “Are you in love with her?”
The question stopped Sawyer short, only because she’d asked herself that same question in her head more than once recently, and she’d been avoiding an answer. Now, though? Now, it felt okay to be honest about her feelings.
“I think I might be.” She smiled. It was big. And probably goofy. She couldn’t help it. Colton would roll his eyes…and then probably high-five her.
“I see.” And, as Sawyer watched, Amanda morphed. Right before her eyes. She sharpened, stood up a little straighter, and any and all traces of emotion on her face melted away like wax under a heat lamp. This was the Amanda she knew, the one she was used to. Cool. In control. Unbothered. “Well then.” And for just a split second, her armor cracked, and she glanced down at the floor, probably collecting herself, repairing that damage, and when she looked up again, her blue eyes were back to their usual iciness. “I wish you well, Sawyer.”
“Thank you. You too.”
And with that, Amanda turned on her designer heel and descended the porch steps. Sawyer stood there and watched as she walked down the driveway, got into her car, started the engine, and pulled away, and she felt lighter than she’d felt in literal years. She felt untethered. Free.
The stupid author signing annoyed her because she wanted to tell Jenna all about the encounter, but she’d have to wait. Instead, she pulled her coat more tightly around her and headed back to her own car. She had to wait to talk to Jenna, but she knew her mom was home. Probably having dinner. Sawyer had intended to go later, but she knew her momwould love to set an extra place for one of her daughters popping home in time to eat with them.
She got in her own car, started the engine, and sat there. Just sat there, smiling and feeling so much lighter, she was surprised when she didn’t float up out of her seat. Car in gear, she backed out of the driveway and realized she couldn’t stop smiling. Big and probably goofy.
Colton would smack her.
Chapter Eighteen
Jenna watched through a slit in her curtains as Sawyer backed out of the driveway and pulled away. She was shocked, proud, a little giddy. Not necessarily in that order. And she kept replaying two lines in her head, over and over again.
Are you in love with her?
I think I might be.
Are you in love with her?
I think I might be.
Are you in love with her?
I think I might be.
Over and over, like a streaming show with a glitch that kept bumping it back to the same spot.
She’d heard Sawyer pull in, had her hand on the doorknob ready to scoot next door to greet her, maybe get in a little making out before she had to go back to the bookstore. But the ex had shown up out of nowhere—Where the hell had she been? Hiding in the bushes?—and while Jenna knew she really shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, she couldn’t get her feet to move. So, she’d stood there. And listened. Listened to it all.
Are you in love with her?
I think I might be.
Jenna let Arnold in from the backyard. The boys had all eaten, and now she sat on the floor and let them crawl on her, push noses against her, get kisses and love from her. The whole time, she wondered about her own feelings for Sawyer. They were complicated but also not, and they were currently rolling around in her head, clearly trying to driveher mad. She dropped a kiss on Arnold’s head as she pulled her phone out of her back pocket and sent a text to the group thread.
