While Rhia pinned Fae’s outfit so she could take it in, the rest of us were handed identical suits and dresses to be pinned. I didn’t know how one could already have been prepared for me, until Fae patted my arm and said, “I trusted things would work out, and Lunaris let me steal your clothes on that first visit so I’d have your measurements.”
I wanted to feel grateful, but Amelia’s absence made it difficult to feel as if the trade had been worthwhile.
The changing room was a cramped cupboard. Within, I couldn’t spread my arms or even cock my elbows without hitting a wall. Theheating was on full blast, turning the claustrophobic space into an oven. As I put the suit jacket on, I prayed I didn’t sweat through my shirt.
I hated trying on new clothes, and particularly hated anything with starchy fabrics and layers. Too warm, too textured. They made me feel like bugs were crawling under my skin.
I couldn’t stop thinking about that death glow over Grandad. Kessian’s name and mine imprinted in the antler of the creature bound to kill us both. What was it all for? A place I hadn’t been able to call home for nine years? A family who seemed better off without me?
I could feel myself working up to an overstimulated shutdown. I wanted to flee the place and lie down on Lunaris’s cold floor.
When I got to the tie, frustration hit me fully. I hadn’t much occasion to wear one and had forgone it at Grandad’s funeral. With the length looped around my neck, I thought I’d probably be more successful hanging myself with it than tying it correctly.
A rap of knuckles on the door made me jump, my elbow slamming into the hanger rack installed on the back wall. “Ow.”
“Just checking you’re all right in there.” Kessian’s voice.
“Fine.” I was not.
“Are you sure?” Kessian lowered his voice. “If you need extra deodorant, I brought some. They always keep it the temperature of hell in here.”
“I’ve forgotten how to tie a tie,” I blurted. “And yes, I’m sweating.”
“Like a nun in a brothel, yeah. Same. I can help you with the tie.”
I opened the door. Instead of letting me out, he let himself in.
“There’s not much room.”
“Mm-hm, listen.” He pitched his voice low so no one could hear. “Fae’s putting on a brave face out there, but obviously what happened to Amelia has everyone a bit down. You look like you’d rather be anywhere else.”
“Shall I smile and pretend everything’s okay?”
“Sometimes people need to pretend. And things will be okay. We’ll figure it out.”
“After what we saw today, you believe that?”
“I need to pretend sometimes, too.”
I felt thoroughly chastised. For the first time, I noticed his hands were shaking. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. I know I haven’t helped.”
It called up memories of his cool cheek, presented in place of a goodnight kiss. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. Nothing.”
“There’s something. There’s been something since last night. You’ve been off with me.”
“I’m notoffwith you.”
“Right. You clam up whenever the topic of sleeping in the same bed comes up, and you swerved my kiss a few hours after we fucked, but it’s nothing to do with me.” While I tried to hide my hurt, a single exhaled breath caught in my throat, betraying me. “If it was just sex, just say so. I usually only get one night, so I’ll just be grateful I got two, yeah?”
Kessian looked as though I’d slapped him, tears springing to his eyes. “Tal, that isnothow it is.”
“Then tell me! I’m not good at reading people. You know this. You know … me.” Now it was my turn to stare at the lights to keep the tears back.
“I think the wraith taking Amelia was my fault,” he blurted.
