Stunned, it took me a second to reply. “Unless you played that flute nine years ago, that’s bollocks.”
“No, listen. When I first came to Shearwater, the spring gave me a vision. I … I was the one taken by the wraith in that vision. But there was also a second vision of me living happily ever after in a house where I had a garden and a cat and just … just some fuckingstability, you know? It seemed worth it to see things through for a chance at that. Then the wraith took Amelia. It was after me, and when I’d escaped it, it took her instead. In pursuit of my happy ending, I destroyed hers and made you complicit. And I didn’t want to tell you because everyone’s been blaming you for this since you were too young to bear the weight of that responsibility, but saving me was a mistake.”
Before he could babble any longer, I said, “Do you think the same of me because I survived and no one else has?”
“Of course not, but—”
“None of this is your fault. The way you defended me in front of my mum is how I’m going to defend you now against yourself. You didn’t do any of this. The wraith did. Warwick did. If not him, then someone else.”I swallowed thickly. “Look, I understand survivor’s guilt, but what does any of that have to do with … us?”
He slipped his hands from mine. “We’ve been in here a while.”
“Are you ever going to tell me?”
He glanced up at the light, his eyes misty. Whatever he held back from saying, he didn’t want to risk emerging from the changing room red-eyed.
I backed down. “All right, not here.”
He looked grateful. “Tonight at yours over a stiff drink?”
“Okay.”
He let out a breath and checked the mirror. “Do I look like I’ve been crying?”
“You haven’t been.”
“I came close.”
I suddenly felt like an arse. Had Kessian’s chilliness been a front for more vulnerable feelings this whole time?
“We’ve been in here so long, they’ll just think we’ve been shagging.”
He let out a surprised laugh. “A better cover story than the truth, and I’m sure they’ll appreciate making us the butt of their jokes. Help distract them, you know?”
“In that case, here.” I reached out a hand and waited to see if he’d accept. When he didn’t move, I aggressively mussed his hair, then rubbed a thumb over his lower lip to redden it.
His eyes went suddenly dark, and while I was far from comforted, it brought me a tiny measure of consolation that the fire hadn’t gone out, no matter how well he concealed it.
He reached out and popped a few buttons on my shirt, doing them up askew. “For verisimilitude,” he said, then reentered the room with a loud “Presenting, Taliesin Ashborne!”
A peal of Camilla’s laughter followed, alongside Fae shouting, “Kessian Alore, tell me you didnotjust fuck him in the changing cupboard!”
When I emerged, everyone laughed and shouted all at once, I only caught one comment in every ten.
“You hussy, that’s mybrother.”
“How was there any room tomovein there?”
“You weren’t gone, what, five minutes?”
“Aw, let the gays be happy.”
Kessian offered an indolent shrug. “It’s not my fault he can’t resist me.”
Our ploy had worked. The mood lightened as darts were placed and garments adjusted. It wasn’t as merry an occasion as it should have been, but Kessian had been right that sometimes people needed to pretend.
We left together, the two of us, walking without touching or pretending. At least for the first five minutes.
Then, tentatively, Kessian reached out with a pinky and linked it with mine.
