But what if I don’t wish to meet those expectations?
Instead of asking the question, he said carefully, “I’ve only spoken to her twice.” He took a bite of buttered toast. He would prefer sharing his breakfast with Sarah. He’d had a very late meeting last night and, since he’d known she’d had a full day at the theater with the opening of her play right on the horizon, he had thoughtfully decided to spend the night at Menheim and let her have an uninterrupted night of sleep.
Besides, he needed to make an appearance in front of his mother sooner or later.
“You don’t have to talk to her at all,” the dowager answered. “You know how these things are done. Miss Charnock has been waiting patiently for your attention. More important, so has the rest of society. It is known that you are interested in her.”
“Not because I put it about.”
“You are not naïve, my son. The moment you walked with her in that garden, it was noticed. When you called upon her the next day, it was settled.” She leaned forward, her hands in her lap. “The world knows about your mistress, especially after you dueled over her.” She said the word with a hint of disdain. “The two of you have not been discreet. Your father would never have approved. He trained you to be more circumspect. However, I am aware you have ‘needs.’ Over the years, you certainly have been better behaved than your brothers about the matter. I also understand that you have always honored the title and have striven to be all that the Duke of Baynton should be. I know you will not shirk your obligation to marry a young woman of high morals, good family, and a more than respectable fortune. You understand that your job is to breed an heir.”
He did understand. Indeed, Gavin actually longed for children. They may be a way of forwarding the succession of the title but, for him, they were also a yearning. His father had been a harsh taskmaster. Gavin wanted not only to have a son but to raise him with more compassion. To let him be his own man—something his father had never allowed.
At the same time, he wanted Sarah.
He knew that now. He had not enjoyed having his bed to himself last night. He’d missed her presence.
Sarah could not have children. He pushed the thought from his mind, feeling disloyal.
“I see I have given you much to consider,” the dowager said. She set her napkin aside and rose from the table, moving to the closed door. “I know you, of all my sons, will do what is right. What is expected.”
Gavin found his voice. “And what if I refuse?”
Such a simple notion and he’d never thought of it until now. What if he disobeyed the order of things?
His mother stopped, met his eye and said. “You won’t. It is in your nature to do what is right. I shall inform Mr. and Mrs. Charnock to arrange a betrothal party so the announcement may be made properly. As to your mistress, well, your father would not approve but I shall leave her to your own conscience.”
She ended her statement with a tight smile, one that didn’t reach her eyes.
In the past, Gavin would not have seen past that smile. In trying to understand, he was learning to understand others—and he realized, there was much he didn’t know about his own mother. His father had taken up the room in his life, leaving his mother more in the background, even after his death.
The dowager opened the door and was ready to sail from the room, until Gavin stopped her by asking, “Did you love my father?”
She started as if his question had been completely unexpected, and it had. Gavin hadn’t even known he would ask it. Her brows came together. “Love?”
“Aye, cupid’s emotion. I believe it is part of the marriage vows.”
“Why are you asking, Gavin?”
She scarcely used his given name. From the moment he had received his first title, a courtesy title, the Marquis of Trenton, she had referred to him by it. He’d been Trenton, my lord, Baynton, Your Grace, or “my son.”
“I’m not asking. I’m wondering,” he said. “After all, it is obvious Ben adores Elin. Jack would go to the ends of the earth for Charlene. I cannot see either of them with mistresses and I’ve started to wonder about Father? Did he live two lives?”
“Never. As far as I know, your father was one of the rare men who was completely faithful.”
“So, he loved you?”
“I don’t understand this question.”
Gavin stood. “Not too long ago, you kept company with Fyclan Morris and I think you were the happiest I’ve ever known you.” The financier Fyclan Morris was Elin’s father and an important mentor to Gavin. Without him, he could not have restored the Baynton fortunes that his father, the old duke, had come close to ruining.
“I have respect for Fyclan,” his mother answered. Now she was the one who trod carefully.
“Did you love him?”
With a sound of impatience, the dowager shut the door. “This is nonsense.” And he would have believed her except for the second of raw emotion that swept her face to be quickly schooled away.
“Did he not return your regard?” Gavin pressed, on a mission now.
