I kiss his temple and speak softly in his ear. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Promise?” he asks.
I hold him with as much care as possible and whisper, “Promise.”
We sit like that for a bit—neither of us saying a word. I know he isn’t asleep, because his eyes are wide open, but they still look vacant.
“You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
Torren shudders and clenches his hand onto my sweater. He makes a little sound, seeming like he might say something,but sighs instead, shaking his head. “Or we can just lie here,” I add. “You can rest on me all night.”
The hand that was clutching my sweater slowly makes its way to my hand, and he threads our fingers together. “I like option B.”
I smile. It’s a sad smile, but the little joke lets me know he’s still in there—just really hurt right now. “That’s fine.”
The fingers of my free hand comb through his black hair until he finally falls asleep.
I must have fallen asleep too, because when I woke up, it’s morning, and Torren is gone.
Torren
The sun hides behind a cloud, only a few rays of sunshine sneaking past, painting streaks of light on the rolling hills in the distance. I come up on the roof at night sometimes when I can’t sleep, usually after having too many beers to go driving, but not enough to finally pass out. The air is cool, and the faint outline of the moon still hangs in the sky.
I’ve been up here for hours, trying to figure out how to explain last night to Felix.
The sound of the door opening and Felix calling my name at street level pulls me out of my thoughts. I walk to the edge of the roof and look over. “Felix?” I call down.
He looks up, rubbing his hands on his arms to keep warm. “Torren? God, you scared me! I didn’t know where you were.”
Felix’s rosy cheeks and delicate arms make me happy even in the darkest moments. “Sorry,” I reply, ashamed that I’ve caused him even more distress.
“It’s okay,” he assures me, then asks, “M-May I come up?”
I guess now’s as good a time as any.
“Yeah, there’s a ladder in the far corner of the bathroom. I’ll meet you at the latch.”
He nods, then rushes back inside, closing the door behind him.
Here we go.
The sound of feet climbing the metal ladder, a few minutes later, is my signal to open the latch. His green eyes blink at me as they adjust to the change in light. The sun’s a little brighter now.
I help him onto the roof, and he asks, “Are you okay?”
An exasperated laugh escapes me. “No. Not really.”
Felix furrows his brows with concern. “What can I do?” he asks.
I motion for him to follow me and lead us to a spot on the roof in the sun where we can sit down. “I have some things I want to tell you.”
Felix looks nervous, but nods. I’ve never told anyone what I’m about to tell Felix. The only one who knows is Tobias.
I don’t know why, but I feel like I can tell Felix.
“Last night…something you said made me think about things I try not to think about.” I look over, and his eyes are sad, his teeth nibbling on his bottom lip like he’s in trouble. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was totally innocent, but it sent me back to a time that I try to forget.” My eyes look out onto the horizon, a beam of sunlight illuminating an evergreen—its hue resembling the green of Felix’s eyes. I take a deep breath and continue. “My life was really…hard…with my adoptive parents.”
Felix
