Say something. You’re scaring them.
I was scaring myself, to be honest, but I wasn’t losing it. Something else was happening that I couldn’t name yet. “I’m sorry, guys. You’re all the best, and I love you so much. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I think I’m just so crushed by the gossip yet so grateful that I have you all, that my system went haywire. I’m sorry.”
That seemed to do the trick. Their looks of perturbation soon eased into relief as they helped me to the cabin. Theo held me so tight, it was almost hard to breathe. “I love you, Asher. You’re not alone. Don’t forget that.”
I’d heard him say it before, but, as I looked at the guys around me, I think that was the moment when I really believed deep in my bones that I wasn’t alone anymore.
* * *
A soft, orange glow from the retro lighting fixtures highlighted everyone as we sat around the living room. After my freak out, which I was still humiliated about, we had lunch and talked. Atone point, Rafael and Theo played frisbee while Cody, Quincy, and I sat around the kitchen table playingMonopoly.It was honestly wonderful.
And, now, we’re basically having the gay boy equivalent of a slumber party.
Cody and Rafael lay sprawled out on their massive air mattress while Quincy, Theo, and I sat on the couch. It had gotten late, so Cody invited Quincy to stay over.
We were talking about the fact that Cody, Quincy, and I all had a connection through Ross. Since there were no more secrets among the group, Cody took it upon himself to regale us about an incident involving Ross and Rafael.
“Don’t tell them this,” Rafael begged.
“Oh, come on! It’s funny now,” Cody argued.
Quincy was practically bouncing on the sofa. “Please! I need to hear this. I can’t believe you know, Ross!”
Cody gave Rafael a pleading look, batting his lashes and giving pouty lips. Rafael groaned and said, “Fine.”
The joy on Cody’s face was priceless. “Okay! So, this was when Rafael was still a dick.”
“Was?” Theo remarked.
Rafael gave Theo the finger. “Fuck off! I’ve matured quite a lot since then.”
“Anyway, Rafael and I were messing around by this point. He’d been sweet as pie at the party, then started making out with a girl.”
Quincy and I gasped simultaneously, and Theo added, “Ohhh, big no no, Raf.”
“I was tryingnot tokiss Cody, okay! He was shaking that big, delicious ass of his all over Rowan’s living room, and I was about to take a bite out of it. The whole hockey team wasthere, I couldn’t let that happen.”
Cody continued, “So, needless to say, I was mad as hell. I stomped into the kitchen, and that’s when I met Ross.”
I pointed to Rafael and added, “You hated Ross for months after that! Remember when I said I was seeing him right after the Fall Classic?”
Rafael shrugged and said, “I’m possessive. Look, I’ve fixed my alcoholism, I talk to a therapist, and I’m honest about my emotions now. I have to have at leastoneflaw.”
“Damn, I’m pretty sure you got one already, you ego maniac.”
“Theo, I swear, I’m gonna beat your ass!”
Cody held up his hands and hollered, “Enough! I’m telling a story! Anyway, Ross was rizzing mehard.”
“He’s good at that,” I added.
“Mmmhmmm,” Quincy agreed.
Theo shot a look at me and Quincy and said, “Fuck, now I’m starting to hate this dude, too.”
“And I’m still mad as hell at Rafael,” Cody continued, “so I decided to leave with Ross when he invited me to take a drive in his car.”
Everyone except for Rafael released a collective “uh oh” in response.
