“But, we know you didn’t do that, and nobody on the team has confirmed that rumor either,” Quincy added. “It’s just trolls in the comments making things up.”
I can’t really describe what was going through my mind at that moment. It was like the world stopped spinning for asecond as I tried to comprehend those words.
They’re saying we propositioned other guys? Touched them?
They were making us out to be sex-crazed perverts—predators even. I literally felt like my system was in overdrive, and my body started shaking.
“Those mother fuckers,” Theo whispered.
“Yeah. Don’t let them get to you guys,” Quincy added. “They’re bigots and are looking for a reason to bash you.”
All I ever wanted was to play hockey. I’d kept my head down for so many years, masking everything I felt inside so I could appease the outside world. I finally found someone who made me feel loved, and the world took it upon itself to destroy me for it. I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to move.
I got up and stumbled toward the dock. My legs buckled for a moment, but then I righted my stance and continued. My mind knew the others were calling me, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I didn’t know why I was walking to the lake, but it felt correct. Maybe I needed to cool down? It was one of those moments when, if you don’t get up and move around, you might never get up again. I just couldn’t handle hearing those words, and I needed to escape.
I’ve been beaten for being me my whole life, butI’mthe perpetrator?I’mthe predator?
The wooden dock burned the bottom of my feet, but I didn’t care because I wasn’t going to be on it very long. I needed to cleanse myself of those disgusting lies, and I couldn’t think of any other way than jumping in the lake.
So, I did—the cold temperature shocked my system. The garbled scream I released sounded almost comical beneath the lake, but I didn’t stop. I screamed at everything. All of it.
When is it going to stop? When can I be me?
Splash.
Splash.
Splash.
Arms reached out and pulled me up.
Theo, Quincy, and Cody were in the water. Theo wrapped his arms around me and kicked to shore, where Rafael stood waiting to help pull me out.
Rafael grabbed my legs while Theo lifted me from beneath my arms, walking me over the rocky beach to the soft grass.
I wasn’t drowning. I don’t really know what was happening. My mind was no longer in sync with my body. Once again, it felt like I was watching the scene unfold from afar.
“What the fuck! Don’t ever do that again, Asher. Ever!”
Theo’s voice pulled me back to myself. I wasn’t watching myself anymore. My eyes were mine once more, and I saw Theo’s terrified face surrounded by blue sky and clouds.
“What happened?” I asked. “I’m sorry. I don’t… I think I fell in.”
“Fell in? No, you didn’t, you walked right into the water. What was that? What was happening? Talk to me!”
My throat closed, and my insides felt like they were collapsing. Breathing was hard, and my eyes burned, but not from the water. “I don’t hurt people,” I screamed. “They hurt me! They all hurt me. Why won’t they stop? Why can’t they leave me alone?”
Theo pulled me into his chest and let me cry. I felt like I hadn’t stopped crying since we got together, and I was really fucking tired of it. I couldn’t imagine how he felt. “I’m not crying,” I stupidly said through tears. “I’m just mad.”
“It’s okay baby. Let it out.”
Soon, all of the guys approached and wrapped their armsaround me—their arms woven like some kind of gay hockey wreath. I was furious and devastated, but the image of a big, spectacular gay hockey wreath entered my mind, and I started laughing—hysterically laughing.
I’m losing my fucking mind.
“Let’s get him to the cabin and make some food, or something,” Cody suggested.
The sobs continued through the high-pitched laughter, and the poor fellows looked at me like I’d snapped.
